Pay alignment for nerds working from home #wfh #telebrabajo

 

Stan

CEO Stan's wife, Wifey, read that pay alignment for nerds working from home is "fair, reasonable, agile and sustainable". 

I am not sure where she read about it, but if my intuition serves me correctly, it was at the Korean Nail salon which she frequents. Or it could be in one of the management blogs she frequently reads, to keep abreast. 

Her husband, on the other hand, keeps abreast of Ms Cynthia Axe, my downsizer.

                                     Glo and Ms Axe

So I was not surprised when I was asked to "factor in immediately the level of compensation and the level of perky-perky perks for those folk working from home", aka #wfh and #teletrabajo.

This "factoring in" took me about twenty minutes, including the time I texted my sister about her 5th divorce as well as  spoke with my new brand manager, (Mejuffrou) Agetha de Villiers, who  manages my image in Africa, where NO ONE, Black, White, Green, Yellow or Indian, is to be found who cannot pick me out of a crowd, albeit my height (5" 3")and pale white face. But that's a side issue, and I need not digress. 

These are the planned compensation adjustments to be implemented retroactively, in line with the MGAJS "mean and global average justice system". Oh yes, that's our new benchmark-a justice system composed of the average quality of the delivery of justice from 5 states-Denmark, the USA, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Syria.

Here's my plan-

50% salary reduction for female nerds who have 2 kids or more; 30% for male nerds whose wife works at home and shares the so-called duties of child-raising. For those nerds with one or two kids, the salary reduction is based on "discretion of the HR lady".

Perk reduction (cancellation of dental insurance) for nerds who have dentures which were virtually installed in Russia and who took the Sputnik vaccine.

The Virtual Happy Hour You-Tube video will now be provided on a subscription basis, but will include subtitles in Hindi, Hebrew, Mandarin, German and Russian. The 50 Euro subscription fee is tax-deductible in Denmark. The Happy Hour will actually be 15 minutes, in line with our core values of "lean and agile".

In the long run, working from home is a privilege  that allows a nerd to work less and enjoy life more-which is fine with me. I don't care what people do in the spare time, as long as we ladies in HR don't foot the bill.