My mother and Holacracy

Smarten up, Girl, my Dad used to say

Ever since I have crowned as the First Lady of HR, I have a moral obligation to spread the key elements of basic HR tenets, as it were. Today I will discuss the "5 basic  principles of HR". 

Each and every morning, when I wake and before I open my Blackberry Passport, I ask myself 5 questions in a 20 second HR mindfulness session:

These are the  questions that I ask myself, daily. I suggest you do the same.

1) Do people trust me as HR manager and love me? 

2) Is our health plan fair? 

3) Do I lobby for the people, to ensure that “people” are factored into the decision making of the business leaders?

4) Am I willing to confront my boss and "speak truth to power ?"

5) Am I an advocate of compliance based business ethics? 

6) Is it worth placing a bet on holacracy?

If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then there are several courses of corrective action:

• Gather some big data about what life would be like with no salary. (I cannot ever fathom this; I want to buy a new Prius next year.)

• Hire a cost effective coach to “rewire” you with success, i.e., transactional HR. Please email me directly for a link.

• Consider self-help. Gather big data about why you always position yourself as a loser. Then as my Dad used to say, “Smarten up, Girl".

Sorry for the short post, but my Mother who is losing her memory just called. She keeps asking me "are you still working in Manpower down there in the States? Come home Gloria, and do something more creative". And "Gloria, why are you still single? You need to find someone Gloria. What is this holacracy all about? "

Flexible business ethics enable sales, corruption and compliance

Comrade Carl called me "First Lady of HR"

Comrade Carl Marks (R&D chief) addressed the leadership team today about “what needs to be done to flood the market with our technology”.

I could have sworn that I saw Comrade Carl smoking a joint in the parking lot before the leadership meeting started, but the moment that I took out my state of the art mobile phone, Samsung 98-T-Extra Large and tried to take a photo, I received a text that distracted me.

Comrade Carl said that “ethics and compliance are two-faced concepts of the rich aristocracy and the western world ruling elite. Kibinimat, our product is a pearl! All you need is to give each salesman few envelopes each with a thousand dollars (he said rubles) and you can get deals in Indonesia, China, Mother Russia, Mexico, Israel, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Qatar and many another banana republics and remote Pacific islands, where the value of our technology is appreciated. All we need to do is find the slimy agents and corrupt government officials."

Then Comrade Carl continued, “all we need to do is two things: appoint me as Head of Sales and ask the ladies of HR to rewrite our business code of ethics to be more flexible.”

CEO Stan asked Comrade Carl to stop using the word kibinimat all the time. 
Herr Krebbs was quiet, reading his German newspaper about the welcome influx  of 4 million refugees into what he hoped would be Sweden. Herr Krebbs was not a Merkel fan.

Stan asked me what I thought.

“HR business partnership entails removing the people obstacles, as it were, that prevent work from getting done, in line with our core values. As you know, one of our core values is compliance, but I can issue "service pack" to these values within one nanosecond. HR will do everything to support the business.” 

I took out my state of the art Samsung, issued an update to our sacred core value of compliance by SMS, Whatsapp, Facebook, Telegram and Yahoo messenger, and said "voila". That's French. The new sacred ethics code enables blockchain based sales, corruption and compliance!

Comrade Carl looked at me and I became very worried. He looked lusty, and he said, "Spasiba, first lady of HR". 

Spasiba means thank you. That's Russian.

Updating core values