Comrade Carl returns from France

Always the rebel

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, disappeared last week and resurfaced today.  I thought that Comrade Carl was at home balancing his medications. One of our nerds stated that all the big data indicated that the Comrade  had been in Moscow, at a CPSU congress. But intuition and technology had let us down. The comrade had been in Paris.

Comrade Carl stumbled into our management meeting at 930, having arrived straight from the Airport. "Kibinimat Gloria, HR travel policy sucks.  Why did I need to change planes in Gander Newfoundland just so that HR can save a few rubles? Yob tvoy mat- I never even knew Newfoundland existed! Next time, I will fly Air France, even if  they are on strike!".

Immediately Carl opened his Iphone and played us Sous les ponts de Paris. Our CEO Stan, very much Yankee Doodle, asked me "Ramsbottom, you speak French. What the hell is she singing about?"

Then Stan bellowed at Comrade Carl, "turn off your goddamned  phone Comrade Carl. This is not a nightclub, for Christ sake".

Stan always ends our management meeting with a "give us a brief update of your domain".

Comrade Carl gave his  brief summary. "I visited the French office and met with our French comrades. Kibinimat, they are an analytic lot. Whilst our Russian nerds code day and night without asking questions as if they were fighting the Battle of Stalingrad, our French engineering comrades do not like taking any risks until they analyse each task in great depth. Clearly this is an HR problem, stemming from poor recruitment and lack of appropriate HR techniques. This is a huge surprise, because Gloria is half French, if my memory serves me right."

Suddenly I got a text: "Gloria, I know you are not half French, but I am making a point. With affection and kisses, Comrade Carl".

Then Carl continued, "Bottom line, HR is useless. I cannot understand why we can't find Russian software engineers in Paris. We need code, and lots of it. Too much analysis will kill us". 

Stan turned to me and said, "Comrade Carl has a point. Fix that Gloria...in a week update us on the solution".

Frequent Flier Travel Miles to be donated to company ...by nerds

Social Responsibility

To: Comrade Carl Marks, Chief Internet of Things Nerd

From: Gloria Ramsbottom, SVP HR 

CC: All

Comrade Carl,

In line with our core value of Social Responsibility, and in line with the fat salaries that you are paying your Internet of Things nerds, it has been decided that Frequent Flier Points accrued by your team will be donated to the company, starting today. 

By law, I need to inform you of this change by writing, yet I ask that this email remain just between the two of us. I do not want to bog down your engineers reading yet another document in English. As you know, many of your nerds come from foreign lands. It would a pity to have them waste their time reading administrative material. 

Please note that this policy also applies for private travel to employees' tribal homelands, if we are "safeguarding their passports".

HR appreciates your patronage and it is a pleasure to be your business partner. HR cares about our technical staff, especially those providing added value in Internet of Things.

One other point, my dear Comrade Carl. Airport lounge facilities for your staff caught in 14 hour waits between flights cost out firm $900 a year, and I have rescinded this for the time being. 

However, as we enter our 2019 growth phase, I will reconsider the lounge membership.

Spasiba and merci

Gloria

To: Gloria, All Engineers

From: Comrade Carl Marks

Boys,

Look what the ladies of HR have decided, kibinimat.

Ignore it! I will organize a union to rid our company of HR overhead and aggressive and senseless cost cutting.

Comrade Carl