Hiring pregnant staff

I am not yet returning to Canada

CEO Stan told me that if 'you hire one more pregnant staff, you are out on your pretty ass, Gloria, and as far as I am concerned, you can go back to Canada on a one way ticket.'

While I have no specific opinion whether or not pregnant staff should be hired, I had not yet developed a set of questions which allow our managers to appropriately filter candidates, from a pregnancy perspective. So, putting on my thinking cap, I developed the following questions and sent them to the 'Recruitment Group' on Whatsapp. I backed up the Whatsapp with an email and text message.

1) Please tell us what you think about the following statement-'an undisclosed pregnancy during the hiring process is a major felony on the part of the candidate'.

2) Please tell us to what degree you agree with this sentence. 'A pregnant candidate is a great candidate. She can work like a man, even though she gets paid less. The only problem is that she is pregnant.'

3) To what degree does the following sentence describe your state of mind- 'sexual abstinence helps me achieve excellence at work; abstinence is like a blockchain.'

When our CEO Stan received this Whatsapp, he told me that 'you won't be going back to Canada for a while, and make sure not to get knocked up, Gloria.'

Pregnancy after retirement, svp

How to lower health insurance premiums using a blockchain

                         

Ms Ramsbottom,

Here is the summary of our meeting today, during which I was asked to stand for 2 hours without being offered  a glass of water.

1) We have granted your company a 70%  discount on health insurance premiums for all your staff, legal and illegal.

2) Dental treatment for wisdom teeth is valid beginning with the 5th wisdom tooth.

3) Drugs covered by the FDA are not covered. Drugs authorized by Eastern European health agencies are covered after 3 months of hospitalization. The first three months of drug treatment are to be defined as 'user experience preparatory training'.

4) Ambulances are to be provided within 5 minutes for nerds injured whilst driving and texting, when proof is provided that company business was involved.

5) Our doctors, or some of them, will speak some English.  All are medical doctors, nurses or skilled agrarian feldshers. 

6) Your senior management team is upgraded to an improved plan.

It was a pleasure meeting with you and observing your Austrian blockchain. Indeed you are the first lady of HR.

Ann Shuurer-Ortega-Otelini

Wow Insurance

Account Manager

Dressing to kill -what is it ? according to a German/Swiss blockchain

Our nerds are too traditional

Comrade Carl Marks, our head of R&D, surprised me as our senior management meeting was wrapping up. 'Some of our nerds claim that some of the secretaries, most HR ladies and the lady paymaster in finance dress in a way which is offensive to their tribal traditions. I want to know how our HR lady Gloria plans to manage this. By the way, personally, if you ask me, I don't mind how the ladies dress, as long as they don't drag me into court for gawking at their wares, kibinimat'.

Before I could answer, CEO Stan said, 'Comrade Carl, you have brought up a salient point. I am sure you all know what salient means'. CFO Herr Krebbs, who is German, was looking this word up on his mobile phone. 'Jaaaaa, I know vat it means. Gut. Weiter '.

CEO Stan, who comes from the old school, remarked that hiring nerds from primitive cultures keeps costs down, but takes all the fun out of work. Then, CEO Stan asked me to 'manage the polarity between morality, common sense, fair exposure, and the level of excitement, intellectual or erotic.'

I love managing polarities. My mind is boiling up 'vis' new ideas.....on one hand, on the other hand, on the third hand. And I remember my Dad telling me that 'we only have two hands, my dear Gloria.' I will need to use my German blockchain to figure this out.