Why do employees bite the hand that feeds them- on social media?

Badmouthing

My Dad Pierre Elliot used to say that all dirty linen needs to be washed at home. I can only remember eight or nine times when Dad yelled at my mother to "shut the f-ck" up whilst we were in public. 

Steeped in the values of my family, I find it shocking that several of the nerds and geeks from Comrade Carl's Emerging Technology Group have taken to social media in order to make non wow comments about our firm. 

One particular web site called "Under the Sheets", which caters to "non-engaged big data nerds", really aggravated me when I read it. Here are a few tidbits, which is a posh word.

• Sanjay 1: The overly obedient and under sophisticated ladies of HR kowtow to management, reminiscent of regimes like North Korea, Albania and many African republics.
• Igor 2: Our management forces us all to speak English in con calls. Yet only a few Sales guys and the ladies of HR speak any English at all. Kibinimat. No one understands anything, and our product is a piece of shit. It makes me want to go home to the Ukraine.
• Igor 3: Our management is awful. If I did not see it, I would not believe it. The only people who stay around here are people whose passport is kept in safe keeping by the ladies of HR.
• Natasha 2: The ladies of HR in our company serve as politruks,   like the old guard in Russia!  The only difference is that the slogans are in English.
• Malka 5: We "verk" too hard, and the only time I get a good nap is when I watch HR Talent Management webinars, commissioned from cost effective vendors who do not speak good English.

CEO Stan read Under the Sheets as well and he texted me, "Gloria, we need a motivational speaker and an engagement plan. By noon. Stan"

Then Stan's wife (Wifey) called me and asked me what I plan to do "if and when" I leave the company. Wifey added, "Stan is very disappointed with you, Gloria."

Managing by Walking Around-the role of the HR lady

Stan doit se préparer

Stan needs to prepare

Last night, I closed my  Samsung S25-Ultra for a few moments, (do not ask why-nothing to do with a dating site)) and when I opened it this morning, I had 34 texts from CEO Stan telling me of his plans to "manage more by walking around". 

Here is one of the texts he sent me:

"Glo, Wifey wants you to brief me before I start walking around.  Send me a brief and detailed text which prepares me to walk around and manage, in line with our key values of No Surprises. Stan."

In order to prepare  Stan to manage by walking around, I shall emphasize 6 points:

1) His personal chef, K Ray Beauregard-Goldstein, should not feed him lasagna in the morning, because he eats like a pig

(sale cochon ); the lasagna drips from his quadruple chin. Stan and I have never had THAT kind of global conversation.

2) Stopping by the desk of Cynthia Axe ( Head of Our Involuntary Early  Bird Retirement Program) and telling how how "valued she is and then asking her to "step things up, using AI if necessary ".....is not a good idea.

3) In Engineering, R&D, no one speaks English, so there is no need for him to "stray" onto the R&D floor.

4) All the company knows (it is big data) that Stan's daughter Carla cohabits with R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks.

Comrade Carl "knocked her up", as my late dad would have said. Stan needs to "put together a communication strategy" before he starts walking around. All over the company, folks have photos of a very pregnant Carla and Comrade Carl, with non wow comments scribbled in Hebrew, Tamil, Chinese or Russian.

5) When passing by the cubicle of Hugh White, the heterosexual white boy who runs Diversity, Stan should refrain from asking, "so how is the sex life of employees, White"?

6) When Stan meanders by Supply Chain, he must lower his voice when  asking "how many vendors have you driven into receivership"!

The sex life of employees is Hugh White's domain