Virtual Reality Toolkit for HR and Big Data Professionals

Against all odds

Banging his shoes on the mahogany table of our senior leadership team, Chief Nerd Comrade Carl Marks (who takes 20 mg of Lexapro to stabilize his mood) shouted: “Poshel na hui, either HR hires 20 fresh big data and IoT nerds to deliver the next software release on time, or we will need to pay a hefty default fine of over $2 million dollars due to our 3^rd rate legal team which HR hired”.

CEO Stan had enforced a freeze on headcount a month ago, as well as asking his HR business partner (c’est moi) to trim off the “excess fat” from our payroll, to the tune of 80 employees. Yet Stan knows that if we will need to pay the default fine, his position as CEO will be as tenuous as the French language in global business. Stan looked worried.

Comrade Carl called out to me in his feigned Russian accent, “Gloria, in the same way that I develop world class software against all odds, HR needs to simultaneously downsize, hire and preserve engagement and trust, unless all you ladies of HR want to get yourselves fired. What is your solution, kibinimat?”

CEO Stan called his Wife, Wifey, put her on the loudspeaker, and then said to me, “Gloria, what’s the plan?”

Cool as a cucumber, I replied, “As business partner, HR will migrate into the domain of virtual reality, whereby nerds are fired in reality yet continue to work for us in the domain of virtual reality. This postmodern approach is agile, flexible, global, sustainable, evidence and data driven”. Mais oui. The fully Monty.

Wifey said over the loud speaker, “that sounds very interesting Gloria. Is this a Scandinavian approach? How does that work”?

Ever since Wifey started buying furniture at Ikea, she tends to align “progress” with “Scandinavia”.

I promised that “the moment that Comrade Carl provides job descriptions for the fresh nerds he want to on-board, the HR team will “transition” to the concrete plan of virtual reality. As a matter of fact, I have delegated the practical aspects of this task to Ms Cynthia Axe, my vigorous  down-sizer”.

Comrade Carl, never one to be fooled, retorted that “you will get virtual job descriptions within a week, Gloria. Jesus Christ, you have nice legs.”

Legs and virtual reality

Acute Stress Management and the Leader's Role

Stress management

At noon, a leading online software journal published a review of Comrade Carl Mark's latest software release, calling it "a rehash of old ideas in a new package, with a bucket load of semi-functioning exotic feature which have dubious value. We rate it 2 on a 10 point scale". (Comrade Carl leads our Engineering Department).

At 12.05, Comrade Carl texted our CEO Stan an angry message, ccing me.

"HR is way behind the curve on internal communication; Gloria is not proactive.  Our staff must be made aware of  the value proposition of our product, which is a pearl. I have called an all-hands-on meeting at 1215 to expose our nerds to the truth. Please attend and grace us with your heavenly presence. Bring Gloria along-she needs to wake up and smell the coffee."

At 1215, I made my way to the Josef Stalin meeting room, where all his nerds were assembled. On the table in front of each nerd was a packet of Ciprolex and a bottle of wine, as well as a note from Carl saying "life is short, pop a pill". 

Comrade Carl Marks spoke for 3 hours. Carl first attacked HR for not being relevant. Then, Comrade Carl said that the software online magazine was "subversive garbage, financed by big banks, the German government, the CIA and the Mossad. Maybe even HR threw in a few bucks." Finally Carl attacked the clients, whom he described as "panicky and finicky, whining too much about user experience."

"Before we end this meeting, please let's close our eyes and hope that HR will get it right next time, and weed out subversive information by being proactive, kibinimat".

When the comrade finished, all his (big data/internet-of-things) nerds clapped their hands for 40 minutes, although only 10% understood English. All the nerds were noted texting their families  in tribal homelands during his talk.

Readers, Comrade Carl started taking Cipralex-Lexopro a week ago, 10 mg a day. His doctor, who is on my payroll as mental health consultant, told me discretely that he may need 20 mg, but even then, "don't expect all that much. Comrade Carl Marks is very unique."

Is HR too reactive?

Procurement guidelines based on Internet of Things

If you ask me, I say oui

"Of course, Stan" is how I replied to the text my CEO sent me which read, "Gloria, can you drive down the costs of procurement similar to what you did for labour costs'?

A few seconds after I answered Stan's text, I convened a meeting of the procurement staff in the "Joseph Stalin Meeting Room", located in The Internet of Things Dept.  On the walls of the room hung pictures of great leaders such as our own chief IoT nerd Comrade Carl Marks. There was also a picture of a Viking Ship, in the waters of the beloved Faroe Islands.

After a brief consultation during which I pretended to listen to the frightened procurement agents in line with my key values of "people skills", I showed a chart which was chock a block with big data. No one understood the chart, nor did I, but wow, did I look impressive, from an HR perspective.

Then I laid down four  new procurement  guidelines, effective immediately.

1) The entire procurement process is to be completed before work is scoped.

2) Negotiations are to take place using a voice menu automated robot.

3) When a vendor wants to speak with a live agent or get paid,  the vendor is blacklisted for a year, and Hugh White from Diversity says "blacklist" is not diversity friendly. 

4) Payments to vendors to be  made in Greek drachma, to be issued in 2018.

Then I explained that "in line with our core values,  procurement needs to be an engaging process, and we need to see our vendors as long term strategic partners." (At the same time, I noted that no vendor should hold us by our "you know what").

Comrade Carl Marks, who sat in on this meeting sent me a text, "Christ Ramsbottom, you ARE good. Why are you in HR?"

I had no time to answer Comrade Carl, since I am heading to the Faroe Islands.

Holacracy needs 4 minor changes to be perfect

Against

Comrade Carl sat beside me at lunch today. He was wearing a T shirt that said, "Holacracy is Apple Pie and Ice Cream, but do not too get fat, kibinimat". 
Carl has asked all his IoT and big data  nerds to wear the same T shirt and claimed that this is about to happen.

Readers of this blog know that Comrade Carl Marks often uses the term "kibinimat", which is a Russian cuss word. My dad, Pierre Elliot said that ladies should not cuss, but that was years ago back in Canada. Kibinimat is parallel to the French Canadian word "ciboire", although they mean different things. Wow, I am quite the intellectual!

Since I have been so very busy mastering the Internet of Things/Big Data, I fell behind on the holacracy issues. Never one to show weakness, I asked Comrade Carl what his "cut" was on holacracy. I love the word cut, from an HR point of view.

"Gloria, kibinimat that is a good question! Holacracy takes the very best of nihilism and bureaucracy and rolls them into one gestalt. (That is a German word). 

Carl the spoke for 45 minutes about holacracy, throwing in about 35% of the terms he used in Russian, which I don't understand yet. The Comrade then asked me how I see the "HR role in a Holacracy".

I told Comrade Carl that "it sound exciting", and I would add 4 modifications from an HR perspective:

a-a chain of command

b-ensure HR is the process czar

c-ensure that each circle has an HR business partner.

d-be mindful that the  life span of holacracy is linked to the ability of Greece to service its debt.

Carl told me, "Christ Gloria, you are one smart lady. You could have been a politruk in the Russian Army. Politruk is an educational officer, somewhat like a spokesman. 

However, I do not plan to learn Russian yet. Danish is next.

Modifying holacracy

3 reasons why big data and IoT nerds need digital detox NOW

Comrade Carl, Chief Nerd, is Against Digital Detox

CEO Stan installed video cameras in the open space of the Internet of Things and Big Data teams, in line with our core values of trust-building. 

Stan defined the  mission statement for the cameras as "discovering what the nerds do all day, because they sure ain't delivering products that our clients use". 

When I purchased the video cams, I avoided the term surveillance in the ERP software purchase order.

This morning, CEO Stan texted me to come his office. The walk from my office to his takes 5 seconds. After 3 seconds, I received a second text saying, "Hurry up Gloria for Christ's sake." 
I correctly assumed than Stan was upset. As HR manager, I use both big data and feline instinct to prepare myself.

"Gloria", he said as I entered his office, "I want to you confiscate all smartphones in R&D, and ensure that Comrade's Carl's nerds undergo digital detox within 48 hours!" Stan sees HR's police role as a major component of HR business partnership.

To justify his request, Stan showed me 3 sections of video camera from the last week.

• Scene one shows all the nerds listening to a podcast on their smartphones in which Comrade Carl explains, "boys, paying for sex is cheaper than not paying for sex".

• Scene two shows big data  nerds texting their families back home as they write code. Sanjay from Bangalore was texting on 3 phones in 6 languages. Ivan Ivanovitch from the Ukraine was texting on 5 phones. And the argumentative Israeli nerd Nadav was speaking on 2 phones and texting on 8! (Lisl the German nerd only had one phone.)

• Scene three shows Comrade Carl addressing all the nerds by Whatsapp video clip on how to escape video surveillance of the "the leadership pigs".  Comrade Carl compared Stan and HR to western bankers, "out to screw the average guy like you and me, like they are doing in Greece".

Out of character, Stan told me to use a French detox vendor, "because the French are good at infrastructure projects". My Dad, Pierre Elliot, used to say the same thing!

Boeuf? Copper?

3 ways to easily eliminate software bugs

Haircut for our software bugs?

Our chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks held an "all hands" meeting following the decision to resolve the Greek debt crisis. The moment that Comrade Carl read the news that the crisis was "water under the bridge on the Danube" , he took out his megaphone and  herded his motley troops into the "Comrade General Zhukov Conference Room".

Behind Carl on a huge screen was a chart listing the 48,955 software bugs, 45% of which impact client revenue. The chart was in Russian, Chinese, Urdu, Tamil, Hindi, Hebrew and German. Yes, we have a new nerd named Lisl from Munich.

And then Carl spoke:

Kibinimat, I demand that 30% of this software bug list be administratively reduced, while another 43% of the bugs be re-branded as features.

If the Greeks can do it, so can we. 

Let's all rebel against the list of bugs, and topple HR while we are at it. We have 4 good arguments on our side-

1. The bugs are defined by clients who lack sophistication. 
2. The bugs' impact  are amplified due to sommerloch.
3. These clients have add no real value to the technology supply chain.
4. Kibinimat, we need to innovate and not focus on satisfaction. That's HR and Sales' role.

Then Comrade Carl pointed at me and said, "Gloria is the greatest, but she should dismantle HR and go back to Canada, kibinimat".

All the nerds stood up and applauded. Many of these nerds did not understand the Comrade's speech, but nevertheless support his leadership, despite what is written in wimpy management articles.

6 attributes of high performing nerds

6 attributes

Hugh White, the white straight lad who manages Diversity, sent an email to all managers in the company. He put me on cc without clearing the content of the email with me beforehand. 

This is not in line with my core HR values of "total control".
HR loves control, just like religion likes interfering in your sex life or what you eat, as it were.

In the email, Hugh wrote, "Here are the top six attributes of our high performing big data and cloud based nerds".

1-poor oral English language skills; 40% incomprehensible in con-calls

2-eat tribal or ethnic food at lunch

3-prefer hard work to work-life balance

4-worship my boss Gloria Ramsbottom, EVP HR-and gossip about her personal life

5-own 3 smartphones and text all the time to their families whilst writing code

6-have exotic passports deposited in HR for safekeeping (Ukraine, Faroe Islands, Taiwan, Israel, China, India)

CEO Stan texted me a message, "Gloria, how much do you pay Hugh White, for Christ's sake. Are we diversity compliant"? (Stan and I use Whatsapp).

As far as Hugh White' email is concerned, my Dad, Pierre Elliot used to tell my brothers Frank and Ernest when they teased me, "if you tease my poor Gloria again, I'll tan your lily white hides". I plan to have such a conversation with uppity Hugh because of his email initiative.

A smashing speech on post modern leadership!

Zenga zenga

Last night, Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, returned from a trip to our Middle Eastern offices. The comrade landed at 2300 and today at 0800, he addressed our Leadership Academy, the apple of my eye. The topic of his lecture was "What can we learn from Mid Eastern Leadership"!

Comrade Carl was wearing a galabia and sandals. He was also carrying a sacrificial   goat and when he started his lecture, he asked Miss Axe to "mind the goat for me, spasiba". Spasiba means "merci" in Russian.

Here are the main quotes from his lecture, which I am providing in line with my core values of keeping things brief.

•        Great leadership focuses on the past and a return to greatness. Who gives a rats' ass that our deliveries are late and our clients are not happy? Who are these clients anyway? Why do they matter? Nothing matters except our great history.
•        Women have some rights. The ladies of HR prove this. But let's be honest. HR keeps their jobs by firing us. Kibinimat. Is that fair? I am not against women's' rights, but we must recognize that there is a "hard core" of manipulation in the HR role, so to speak. I mean all this in a positive sense, Gloria. I love you.
•        Leadership must empower the nerds. Software timetables, quality parameters and functionality need to be established in "all-hands" meeting, without the clients' involvement. In the worst case scenario, the masses can be over ruled. Because the masses accept power.
•        Religion, not achievement, enables engagement. We need to aggressively beef up the number of believers in leadership roles. I say to you all, "Fuck atheism; I myself don't believe in anything".

When Carl made the point about religion, CEO Stan sent me a text, " Comrade Carl has jet lag".
Comrade Carl finished his speech, and 104% of our nerds clapped their hands and screamed, "Comrade Carl, give us meaning". Carl (the Comrade) stepped down from the stage, accompanied by husky body guards he had hired in Tel Aviv or Iraq. And he shook hands with each and every nerd, and blessed him, or her.

As a finale which is a French word, we all watched the zenga zenga clip. 

BTW, during Carl's speech I remember how my Dad used to call our pastor a "God damn Bible basher". This got my Mom angry.

Leadership presence (not using big data)

4 pina coladas

Comrade Carl Marks and I had our quarterly lunch together, in line with our core value of relationship enhancement paid by investors. 

The comrade arrived 20 minutes late, yet appeared jovial, positive and jocund, which is a word I remember from a spelling bea.

Carl downed 3 pina coladas as I sipped my diet coke, in line with my core value of being cool, and less uptight.

Comrade Carl closed his LG G3 smartphone and launched the following diatribe:

"Gloria you have great legs. Jesus Christ, every time we have lunch I notice them, the legs I mean. Now look here, Gloria. I want to spell out my expectations from you as HR Business Partner and Political Commissar, which by the way is "politruk" in Russian.

Our new product is a pearl. True, we have 87,945 outstanding bugs but few of them impact client revenue and as you know, our Sales Team suffers from depression. Kibinitmat Gloria, are you doing anything about this? Can't HR hire anyone who is optimistic and understands User Experience?

And let's be honest. Our CEO Stan has no leadership presence. In all the tech rags that I scan, in English, Russian, Chinese and Hindi, all I read is criticism about our product. That's baloney, Gloria. Our clients lack sophistication and the reviewers are "running dogs".

Comrade Carl then ordered another pina colada, gawked at my legs and continued.

"My expectation is that you convince Stan to enhance his leadership presence to woo the media and whip up some market enthusiasm. We also need a story for the market, Gloria, and I do not expect HR to invent it. That's Stan's job, for Christ's sake. He is the CEO! HR is all about processes and sloganeering."

My Dad Pierre Elliot also took the name of God in vein, especially before he submitted his tax reports to Impots Canada Tax.

"I have heard that there are coaches who deal with enhancing leadership presence. Some of them are good, but we need the best. So despite your reservations about external coaches, shake a leg and do it Gloria. I love HR, and I love you as well. Kibinimat, do it baby. I also recommend that you study Russian and zenga zenga engagement tools."

Presence

Refocus and realign using big data

Refocusing Ms Axe

"Gloria, the time has come for our organization to get better bang for buck from HR; re-brand using big data". This is the text message that our CEO Stanley sent me this afternoon.

Clearly, the fact that Cynthia Axe (who Heads our Early Bird Retirement Plan) was chosen as least popular employee of the year for the 20th time was the driving force behind Stan's unfortunate text.

Stan, who keeps abreast of Ms Axe, believes that "something is rotten in the Kingdom HR,  and poor Cynthia takes the heat for HR's malfunctioning". 

Whenever I failed a course in school my Dad Pierre Elliot would say to me, "Gloria, something is rotten in the kingdom of Denmark"...which was a Shakespearean wake up call.

Factoring in Stan's text,  I have decided to realign Cynthia Axe with success, using 60 kilograms of big data.

Starting tomorrow, Cynthia will be be a "people service provider" in the "domain of organizational architecture". Ms Axe will be measured by

       1-the user axe-perience

       2-profitability, in line with our core value of HR Business Partnership

       3-popularity

Ms Axe will also continue to be program manager for our early bird retirement program, however the logo of this program will be changed to reflect our dedication to big data driven HR , whatever that means.

Stan oked these changes and asked me to use "invented tradition" coaching techniques to deepen the respect for Ms Axe.

Hedging big data

Big Data Hedge Fund

Our CFO, Mister Herr Krebbs, provided us quarterly data in a 88 slide ppt called "Concise Big Data-based Financial Package" in the senior management team quarterly business review. Herr Krebbs, ever so German, provides us with three truckloads of data. Ja! Gut. 

"Big data" is like a financial report, 100% hindsight", bellowed CEO Stan at Herr Krebbs. Stan ranted and raved about an increase in the cost of goods sold, as well as fines to the tune of $500,000 paid to customers due to late deliveries. Herr Krebbs remained silent and then muttered a few long words in German.

Then Stan turned to Carl, our chief nerd. "Comrade Carl, our product is too complex to make profit and your staff are a bunch of foreigners, waiting for their green cards. They believe that we will fire them if they finish the product, so they stall and tap dance all day! And what does this all mean, Comrade Carl? It means that you are as useless as tits on a bull, as a leader". 

I believe an OD consultant would call that constructive confrontation. My Dad would call it "getting the be-Jesus knocked out of you". Mom would say, "Pierre Elliot, don't cuss like that next to Gloria".

Comrade Carl, in response to Stan's "what do you have to say?" looked at me and said, "All this big data nonsense about the level of engagement being low is HR mumbo jumbo. Our staff is busting their balls, and our product is a pearl." Then Carl added, "what good is HR big data, unless it is futuristic, and hedged to the Greek drachma and Russian rubble?"

Stan, stunned by Comrade Carl's unfocused attack nevertheless asked me, "Gloria, do you hedge your HR big data to be more futuristic?"

Never one to be surprised, I texted my coach (who pumps gas and works as an agile coach) and provided an answer that Stan deemed, "very appropriate, Miss Lemieux."

The problem is that Stan pronounces Lemieux as Lye-Mex.

Green card enabled quality

Using graphology for recruitment purposes

121% validity in some cases

Our CEO's wife asked me how valid is graphology in recruitment? I smell a trap from a mile away so I asked dear Wifey "why perchance would you like my opinion?" This is line with my core value of feigned modesty.

Wifey told me that she had sent Stan's handwriting for analysis (without his knowing) and the analyst said that "the candidate should avoid managerial roles like the plague".

I told Wifey that unlike HR, graphology is  connerie (crap), but to make sure, I will send my handwriting and that of Chief Nerd Comrade Carl Marks for analysis. Wifey suggested, and I agreed, that we use the same analyst.

As far as Comrade Carl goes, the analyst concluded that "the candidate lives in a delusional world, yet is hugely charismatic. I believe the candidate could be a good commander in the Russian army, or lead a software group focused on Internet fo Things.  His English is perfect but he prefers swearing in Russian."

As far as my handwriting is concerned, the analyst claimed that "the candidate has feline political instincts suited to jungle warfare, HR or mid east politics, and has a character which is stronger than a brick shit house. The candidate is a cunning business partner, because she tends to trample on people. The candidate speaks good French, and is trying to acquire an English accent, to be posh".

After I read the graphologist reports, I branded them "classified big data" and then sent an email to Wifey.

Dear Wifey,

I am looking into the handwriting issue. Yet my mother's poor memory is a drain on me, so I will get back to you soon. I thank you for your compassion. BTW, astrology is far less expensive than graphology, and just as accurate.

A bientot,

Gloria

Wifey's memory is like my Moms. Grace a dieu. That's French.

Invented tradition

Coffee with Carl
Hebrew Translation 

Comrade Carl Marks invited me and CEO Stan to an all hands meeting with his big data and internet of things nerds in the Joseph Stalin Meeting Room, recently renamed the Vlad Putin Eagles' Nest.

In what was defined as a pep talk geared at better engagement, the comrade spoke about the massive success of our latest recent software releases, "which have hordes of happy users all over the world. No one matches our functionality and user interface experience. If the clients lack sophistication, it needs to be handled by Sales. So, keep up the good work, and if HR does not pay you properly, I will organize a union, kibinimat."

CEO Stan whispered in my ear. "Gloria, are Comrade Carl's medications balanced?" I whispered back that I assume that they are, in line with my core values of  purveying good news. 

Carl's nerds texted and mumbled in Russian during his presentation; few of them speak English. But when Carl finished, his nerds clapped their hands for 20 minutes and threw rice at him, which is a middle east tradition, I am told. 

Comrade Carl invited CEO Stan and me to coffee after his all hands meeting. As we downed our cappuccinos, Stan told Carl that he was a bullshit artist saying "we never have had one positive comment from a client about our products in a decade. Your claim is spurious". (Stan's native language is English).

Comrade Carl looked at Stan and said, "Stan, you are a Yank with tunnel vision. Who gives a rats ass about reality? We need to instill an invented tradition. And HR is not sophisticated enough to do the job, so I am shouldering the responsibility, zenga zenga!"

Christ Stan, when will Gloria and her shabby HR team shape up!"

Invented tradition

Dozing off during management meetings-an email thread

A good HR manager leverages here and now

To: CEO Stan

From: Gloria

Dear Stan,

The fact that our bizarre chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks talks for 3 straight hours in every leadership meeting we have, and then falls sleep when other team members (including me) speak up, appears to me as disrespect towards your stellar leadership.

Perhaps this is the time for you to lead. I have received a wow, shocking benchmark (via Whatapp) about how an agile CEO should react when a member of the leadership team dozes off in a leadership meeting, so just click.

I know that you respect Kim Jon-Un (one) and as my Dad Pierre Elliot used to say, "he appears to have it right, again".

Ms Cynthia Axe is at your disposal, for the "axing".

Gloria

To: Comrade Carl

CC: Gloria

From: Stan

Comrade Carl, Gloria has some ideas about improving management meetings. Please read the email that she sent me,  meet with her, and then present a "joint" front with her about how to move ahead. Not the type of "joint" you smoke in the parking lot.

Stan

To Stan

CC Gloria

From Comrade Carl Marks

Gloria, When I doze off, I dream of a world with no HR.

Spasiba for your attention. Kibinimat,  all the ladies of HR can be replaced by IT and an "enter" button.

Carl

Backing his HR business partner

Internet of things, Big Data and Democracy

Snap elections 

Chief Nerd (VP R&D) Comrade Carl Marks called snap elections in his Big Data and IoT team. (IoT is "internet of things" which is hot stuff.).

As I parked my car in my reserved spot marked "Chief People Officer and HR business partner," I was greeted by a geek handing out an election flyer with the Comrade's picture with slogans in Ukrainian, Russian, Urdu, Hindi, Hebrew and Chinese, the languages of our engineers ( whose passports HR keeps in safe holding).

On the way to my office, next to CEO Stan's, I stopped by Comrade Carl's office. He was speaking on 3 cell phones and it he appeared he had overdosed on adrenaline. He was swearing in Russian and a huge pile of big data was on his desk. Behind his desk was a poster which read "HR is the running dog  走狗 of Management-Vote Comrade Carl".

"Gloria", he greeted me, "I called these elections due to the zenga zenga leadership campaign which was foisted upon me. Kibinimat, once I have the legitimization of my beloved people, we will see big change, not chicken shit HR change management geared at engagement, whatever the f-ck that means. We will run our release commitment process  like a real democracy, negotiating software release time lines at the ballot box."

Comrade Carl then explained that most of his nerds don't come from real democracies like Iraq, so "they appreciate elections all the more". 

Carl Marks (the comrade)  then told me that he had seen an email from Stan to me, asking me to cancel the elections because "Carl has flipped once again, because no one knows what internet of things really is." Comrade Carl added that CEO Stan may be executed by the masses, in line with our core value of focus on execution.

Carl said, "not only have I not flipped Ramsbottom, but YOU should call elections as well to see if anyone wants you as HR manager, kibinimat. Btw, I would vote for you because you have nice legs".

I remember that my late Dad Pierre Elliot told me that if you ever speak to the average voter, you understand the problems of democracy.

One vote, due to nice legs

HR functions are particularly vital

Miss Axe- A vital function

I got a call from my Mom (Constance) today. "Gloria, did you not tell me that you have an assistant named Miss Cynthia Axe? Heavens, she appeared on the CBC today in one of my favourite programs, All About People". 

Dear readers, CBC is the Canadian Broadcasting Authority. Unlike my worldly late father Pierre Elliot who watched the BBC and US channels, Mom watches the CBC.

"Gloria, I did not know that firing people can be such a science! Heavens, it appears to me to be a ghastly way to earn money. Miss Axe claims that she does the actual work, whilst her colleague, a Canadian girl named Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux, does all the propaganda and sloganeering". 

Btw, my Mom uses the word "heavens" quite a lot.

Mom continued, "Anyway my dear daughter, I am proud that you allow your staff to expose themselves on the media. This gives you publicity as well. Mind you, her dressing is rather scanty". 

Readers, I never told you that Mom repeats herself. So the next thing she said was, "Gloria, did you know I saw your assistant, the young Ms Axe, on the CBC today?"

Finally Mom said, I just adore the HR melody that the CBC played  as they introduced Ms Axe. I never knew "Manpower" was so vital.