HR's mission critical function can be replaced with a voice enabled help desk service

I need some HR creativity

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, has had a stormy relationship with HR. Carl seems to feel that HR's mission critical function can be replaced with a voice enabled help desk service.

Strangely, Comrade Carl sees HR as the "guardian of the status quo!"  To be frank and earnest, Comrade Carl strikes me as a weirdo. He was born and bred in the USA; indeed he got his PhD at some unknown Russian polytechnic university, yet he thinks, behaves and drinks like a Russian; he also swears like a Russian! 

Yet today our relationship underwent a change.

Comrade Carl meandered into my office (after having smoked a joint in the parking lot) with a huge smile on his face. "Hi Glo, you look better than ever today! Pizdets, we have an issue-let's talk, sweety".

Comrade Carl told me that 2 weeks before the new product release, 5 engineers, Igor, Igor, Svetlana, Svetlana and Svetlana all have asked for a raise, immediately. Since "sufficient documentation" of the product is not available, WE need to think twice before we say no. After all, WE do not want this failure on OUR shoulders, do we, Gloria?"

Then Comrade Carl said a few words to me in French. Comrade Carl speaks very good French, and he even swore using a few choice Quebec expressions, which I shan't repeat because readers won't know what this is all about. He went on-

"So Gloria, in the spirit of transparency and cooperation, I wanted to tell you that CEO Stan has oked a 30 K ``stay bonus`` for all five employees and he has asked me to make sure that WE stay within the budget for total cost of headcount. Please handle this`professionally, and update Stan before you go home. By the way, Glo, you are a great business partner.`

Travel policy for pregnant men and women

                                                                    Let them eat cake

                                                               qu'ils mangent de la brioche 

A pregnant internet of things nerd named Svetlana (with good English despite her name) approached me today and asked about a travel policy issue. She needs to go to San Francisco for a week; she is based in Toronto, which is in Canada. Svetlana asked to travel by plane.

Our present travel policy provides reimbursement for Greyhound bus trips within the US and Canada as well as economy class tickets on all major discounted "ethnic" carriers like Air Turkmenistan, Air Italia, SAS and El Al for international travel.

I sent the pregnant Svetlana to our venerable down-sizing diva Ms Cynthia Axe, who was not in her office and was not answering her Iphone 4.

I redirected  young Svetlana to Mr. Hugh White, the white, bizarre, heterosexual boy who runs Diversity. When Hugh noticed that the employee was white and in no way irregular besides being pregnant, he referred Svetlana back to me.

I texted Stan: "Stan, do I have any flexibility on travel policy with pregnant employees on Toronto-San Francisco trip? 

Gloria Lemieux, Chief People Officer".

After I received Stan's answer, I texted the answer to the aforesaid Svetlana.....who will be going round trip in a comfortable Greyhound bus.

• We support pregnancies, especially for women (and men) who do not work for us, (but not only)!
• We encourage pregnant employees to live a fulfilling life, and in no way feel "discriminated" against.
• HR supports pregnant women' (and men) struggle for be equal partners in our "passion to win"-driven company."
• Greyhound has a 1800 number to pre-book seats. Supply Chain will provide this number upon proof of pregnancy.

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