Cynthia Axe lodges a complaint after a taunt by Comrade Carl Marks

Comrade Carl

My down-sizer and modern day slave, Ms Cynthia Axe, caught me by surprise in the executive elevator, which she has no permission to use. However our freight lift has been inoperable for a week due to a religious or tribal festival of the technician responsible, hence Ms Axe's presence as I sallied down to lunch.

"Gloria, Comrade Carl told me that the #metoo movement has removed all critical thinking from the western press. Then, he asked me to replace his morning newspaper with something more reliable, like the Morning Star, which I have never heard of. He told me that sent a nasty email to all his nerds, which I think you should read". Then she added, "instead of delegating, tell me what to do".

I informed Ms Axe that I read all my mail only to have Ms Axe inform me that the mail was sent "at this very minute".

I whipped out my phone and Comrade Carl explicit missive hit my eye. "Boys, one of you idiots told Ms Axe that the King of Saudi Arabia is not a reformer, just another crazy middle eastern despot, many of whom chop off fingers and heads at will. The only reason that he is called a reformer is because he allowed a few ladies to drive. Boys, please understand  that Ms Axe is very sensitive as well as not too bright, so don't go blabbing about what I told you. Spasiba. Comrade Carl."

Axe looked at me and bleated like a sheep, "Lead me, first lady".

True, Ms Axe does do my bidding with great dedication. She downsizes our firm with great diligence. But she does need a performance review. I want to introduce her to the idea of stretch goals and creativity.

Moi and Miss Axe

The five stages of mastering HR

Influential people (some of them with PhD's) have approached me about how to prepare their birdies/ladies to succeed in the mission-critical role of HR business partnership.

I don't let people down, especially if they can promote me, and as such, I have acquiesced and agreed to share the five agile modules that I use to teach HR at Stanford, McGill, Harvard and Oxford. 

Module One-Madame Therese Defarge - the ultimate HR heroine: The art of downsizing from a master! As a matter of fact, Defarge was the initial first lady of HR even though she was not an American lady, nor did she own a blockchain.

Module Two-Leveraging Illegal Immigration for Diversity: How to hire illegal immigrants at sea to achieve both  social responsibility and inclusion.

Module Three-Focus, focus, focus: Juggling between transgender toilets, engagement programs, ethnic food day, and the happy hour.

Module Four-Data Mining for the HR lady: How to maintain aesthetics and personal hygiene whilst mining for data. During this module, we visit a data mine in Germany. As time and weather permit, I will bring my blockchain to the mine.

Module Five-Men in HR: This is a short module, void of content, yet provided to be fair for the soon-to-be-extinct HR male.

To register one of your birdies, or if you yourself are an interested birdy, please press 8 followed by the number of the module, then wait for an attendant.