Chief Transparency Officer to be hired-and on-boarded by a hungry coach

 

Yes, we have no bananas

Wifey, the indefatigable partner of our CEO Stan, is again reading management articles as she vacations alone in Mexico.

CEO Stan is glad that he married such an intellectual as dear Wifey, but he is glad he has his home for himself.

Each and every day, Stan sends the most beautiful flower bouquets to Wifey (via Oviedo Florists); nevertheless but all the more so, Wifey remains critical of Stan and floods him daily with agile, sustainable, block-chain enabled ideas. 

Stan and Wifey spoke by Skype for 3 hours on the weekend; Wifey had read an article called "Transparency: the Religion of the Successful CEO". Wifey is certain that transparency is a building block for Stan's success, or at least an end to his non-success.

At the end of the Skype conversation with his beloved, Stan texted me and told me to recruit a Chief Transparency Officer. "This is more important than the Internet of Things, Covid vaccinations, or hiring people with non-white skin ".

I rarely argue with Wifey's ideas but I did do some risk analysis for Stan about full transparency, as well as a "risk mitigation plan". 

Stan listened to me and agreed to a "modified" role for the Chief Transparency Officer, in line with my core value of "modified roles".

Job Description of the Chief Transparency Officer

The Chief Transparency Office will sit in the a rented office space in Darwin, Australia. His, or her, or its, role encompasses-

1-Ensure that the pressure Stan faces from the Bank is transparent to nerds who want a raise.

2-Ensure that the pressure Stan faces from our shifty Board members is transparent to nerds who want a raise.

3-Ensure that the pressure from the clients for products that work is transparent to our useless engineers.

4-Monitor with minimal frequency the level of transparency of Stan`s first class travel.

5-Monitor the sexual behaviour of our staff, in coordination with the white heterosexual white boy who heads Diversity, Hugh White.

6-Monitor and squelch the level of transparency about the numbers of  talented engineers who want to leave our company to pursue a career in internet of things.

7- All texts, emails, Whatsapps, Skype calls, etc will be "monitored anonymously yet transparently"- just to insure that everything is wow wow wow. (We will hire a hungry coach or very hungry OD intern to do this.)

8-Monitor the positive attitude and motivation of our staff, using state of the art GPS-"embedded" technology, and zenga zenga leadership techniques.

Please note:-

The Chief Transparency Office may also listen to phone calls made by visiting dignitaries, and make the content transparent to CEO Stan.