Mega-nerd Comrade Carl's expectations from HR in the era of the Delta Variant

 

                                                                               

Working from home has had a "not so positive" impact on our R&D department, which is led by the ever so eccentric Comrade Carl Marks. 

Carl speaks with a Russian accent although he was born and bred in the USA. Carl has a picture of Lenin, Stalin, CEO Stan and a professor based in Spain who wears glasses and  studies remote work aka teletrabajo, hanging in his office. 

Carl (also spelt Karl) eats breakfast at 4PM (16.00); he studied in Moscow with the brother of the Chairman of our Board and he understands poor English with a Thai, Danish and even Glasgow accent. Karl claims that he invented the blockchain.

Yesterday, our senior management team held a review to deal with reasons for the delay of our new product which is supposed to be (according to Carl) the "pinnacle of technical excellence ever to be praised by our spoiled and blissfully  ignorant client base".

CEO Stan asked Carl how long do you estimate until our product release will be released, and the Comrade asked Stan, "how long until we'll have a Jewish pope"? Then the comrade added, "you have asked the wrong question, Chief. The turd on the table which no one is addressing is how long until HR finds a solution to  satisfactory working arrangements to cope with the devastation from the delta variant. Kibinimat Chief, asking the right questions will harness the brainpower of our team, isn't that correct Comrade Dr. Gloria?"

Never to be outsmarted, I was prepared for the ambush, in alignment with my core values of "Prepare to be Ambushed". I showed a small YouTube of Comrade Carl singing a ditty: 

"I didn't take a vaccine, I'm clean, and brilliant and mean." 

And I showed a phoney picture of Comrade Carl taking the Russian vaccine accompanied by his blockchain, explaining in fact he had asked the nurse to inject him with "liquid Viagra or a relevant placebo to get it up and running".

Comrade Carl countered that he has some "kompromat" on the key customers, thus the "delay is not a big deal. You need bigger balls, Stan", noted Carl who started muttering in Russian. 

Herr Krebbs, our German CFO, said "Comrrrrade Carl, ze kalt Krieg is ofah".

I've noticed a serious decline in mental health since the advent of the delta variant. I am meeting with my coach next week to discuss ways and means to align our staff with more engagement with stretch goals. I have also commissioned a free and short webinar on "The Joys of Working from Home".