On the job dying

 

A votre service

One of the nerds in on our big data algorithm team is a Spanish lady named Maria Paula Juanita Gomez Rodriquez Goldberg Teixeira de la Plata. 

This morning, Maria stood behind me in the line at the coffee machine. In a moment of bravery Maria asked me "Dona Gloria, ¿lo que pasa  if we die at work? Back in old Spain, the government takes care of this for the dead and his or her family. After all, we are part of Europe now". 

I have no idea what Europe has to do with this, although I do know that in parts of Europe like Denmark, the government pays for everything. 

In line with my core value of functional transparency, I explained to Maria that our HR policy stipulates that a nerd who has remained at work for 3 straight weeks and has refrained from washing as well as eating, who has no next of kin waiting to be deported from the USA, is entitled to a free cremation, along with a mainstream religious service conducted by Skype, mainstream being Catholic, Protestant or Jewish.  (We used to have a 4th religion until the recent elections).

I forgot to tell Maria that the policy is only applicable for people who die on People Day.

Maria told me she was delighted to know, then she asked me if HR plans to introduce a siesta from 1300 till 1700 into the work schedule. 
Luckily, before I had time to get angry, I got a text from my dating service and Maria was spared my wrath.