Starting Sunday at 23.59 (11.59pm), we kick off Core Values Week. Dedicated to the implementation of our 3 fresh and updated basic beliefs, this coming week is a grand event in our corporate HR calendar. For those of you who don’t know, here are the mighty three:
1-Functional Transparency
2-Hiring Pregnant Women in the 8th month
3-Even White People merit Respect
In order to prepare the week’s events, I was given the floor in today’s senior management meeting. Armed with 250 slides prepared by my lackeys, I actually was asked to sit in CEO Stan’s chair during the discussion. However, my positioning in Stan’s chair did not make the meeting more manageable, as I was faced with a hostile audience. It was non-wow.
Comrade Karl Marks, the head of R&D, claimed that if our clients actually new what our product could do and could not due, we would not have “a pot to piss in”. Karl added that “I suggest we promise to roll out what I would call "transparency of some sort" over the next decade”.
Mister Herr Krebbs, our CFO who actually is a German native speaker, prepared a detailed analysis of the ramifications of hiring pregnant ladies one month prior to birth. “Ve are not a SkandinaFian country; ve are a business, zo ze banks are going to ask qvestions-unt I don’t haf ze answers. Danke!”
CEO Stan said that the entire management team is white “so I don’t see that we have a real problem, Gloria. Enough of your bullshit! Next thing I know, you’ll want to install transsexual toilets with standing room only”.
Such is life. I look around and see that all my friends are working hard and struggling to survive, whilst I net 300,000 Euro a year and drive a Bentley. The 300 K does not include my health club membership, German grammar lessons and business class travel on Singapore Airlines.
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