Ministry of Gender Equality and Diversity ranks us - and a shift of policy

 

The overzealous Ministry of Gender Equality and Diversity asked our approval to conduct a voluntary audit. Hugh White, the former Head of Diversity agreed without my knowledge. 

We got -3 of a possible 5 points. Hugh White suffered an accident in my office and passed away, suddenly. His body was unrecognizable. 

The auditors noticed that Hugh White, RIP, was white and heterosexual.The auditor also noted that most ladies in our firm are from HR, Administration or Sales. 

Sadly they also noticed that in our R&D department, there were people who came from tribal lands where nerds' sisters were closely monitored for sexual abberation before marriage,and women were  banned from praying between 3-5 times a day in our R&D prayer room.

The auditor noted than one lady from Finance, our Accounts Payable Officer,  Fraulein Gertrude, was indeed feminine, but was caught having some "hanky panky" with Mister Herr Krebbs during, before and after the audit. 

The Auditor also noticed that all faces at the mahogany senior management  table were white as a lily, even though we sell our software in the 3rd and 4th world. Even the 5th.

(Almost) never to be caught off guard, I took corrective action to make a wow situation into a wow wow wow situation.

1) Hugh White was buried at the tomb of the unknown soldier in South Sudan.

2) Fatima Cohen was hired as Head of Diversity. (S)he has no white skin, as far as I know.

3) Starting this Friday, for a month straight, we will celebrate "white males have halitosis day".

4) Fraulein Gertrude will remain in the same job but as a contractor, and she will earn 5 times more.

5) We will examine our HR branding strategy with illegal immigrants.