Comrade Carl Marks, our self-declared Chief Nerd, briefed me on his grand plans for Mental Health Day.
“Gloria,” he thundered, “back in Russia where I studied, mental illness was seen as an ideological flaw. And frankly, I’m not sure they were wrong. Just look at our clients — ever since we rolled out those new software features, they’ve become depressed, obsessive, emotionally destabilized! I'm currently in hiding at my dacha on Lake Placid, surrounded by Olga, Svetlana, Natalie, and two other Olgas.”
(A quick reminder: dacha is Russian for “cottage.”)
I asked, gently, “My dear Comrade Carl, what exactly are your plans for Mental Health Day?”
“Gloria,” he snapped, “don’t interrupt! Patience is a virtue. Don't be a running dog of bourgeois pragmatism. I’ve invited our clients to your backyard the evening before Mental Health Day. Forty guests, fully catered. I’ve also invited several pharmaceutical companies to hand out samples of their finest Emotional-Sideline-ism treatments. Send the catering invoice to CEO Stan. If the lawn is ruined, expense it.”
He wasn’t finished.
“Oh, and please prepare a few clever and uplifting opening remarks. In English. Maybe ask that Spanish professor you know to give a short talk on teletrabajo. Or I could deliver my lecture on ‘The Legacy of Lazar Kaganovich’ — something to inspire the leaders of tomorrow. Spasiba.”
And with that, the Comrade hung up.
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