Crisis Management during the Corona Virus Outbreak

I miss Dad

And it came to pass that the "powers that be" demanded that we all work from home, except for a core team of ten key players who can continue to work from our office.

CEO Stan, Chief Nerd Comrade Carl Marks, CFO Mister Herr Krebbs and I met in Stan's office to decide who will constitute the core team.

Comrade Carl, smoking a joint and drinking a brandy, showed us a video clip of the Queen of Denmark, explaining how to wash ones hands. Mister Herr Krebbs said that "ve don’t need a member of any rrrrrroyal famileee to explain zat. Ve are civilized." 

Comrade Carl stated that he is a member of the core team because his present girlfriend is "a pain in my Russian ass". Stan reminded Carl that he is American-"Carl my boy, you just think you are Russian."

At that point, I began to think that things are getting out of control. I was right. Mister Herr Krebbs asked me. "Fraulein Gloria, do ve neet an HR team? Zoon, ze business vill cloze". 

CEO Stan saved the day. "Mister Herr Krebbs, we have no business anymore, so who needs finance? The banks are storming our gates. Go hide at home to buy us some time". Herr Krebbs bleated out, "I vill take care of ze banks if you let me be a member of the core team. Danke". Stan acquiesced.

I proposed that CEO Stan be a member of the core team. Stan told me. "I don't need you to tell me that young lady. You are way out of line. Make us some coffee". I replied that militant union activity, led by a militant Scot whose English is hard to understand, is imminent and Stan replied, "Forget the coffee my dear, you are in the core team". As a perk, Stan asked me to ensure that our blockchain gets oiled by his footman, which puts his footman under my command.

After we agreed on the core team of ten, which included Ms Cynthia Axe and Hugh White from Diversity, I asked for a 700 K budget to monitor nerds' activity at home and prevent shirking. Mister Herr Krebbs suggested that "you use British Pounds and buy Israeli surveillance equipment". Herr Krebbs explained that if the Israelis know how to remove a genital mole from terrorists' private parts in downtown Tehran remotely, surely they can know what each Jose, Sanjay, Moshe, Fiona, Oya and Eike are doing."

Suddenly, I missed my dad, Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom. He knew what to do when the shit hit the fan. 

Joint and brandy