Changing the seating arranagements in our R&D department due to Russian Ukraine War

                                             H 

Our not so firm firm employs 21 Ukrainians nerds and 600 Russian nerds, all named Vlad, Svetlana or Stas. With the prolonged war, it is only natural that there is some tension, despite our mission statement which emphasizes "leave your troubles outside,Ya; life is beautiful".

Sadly, incidents have occured which eventually surfaced thanks to both our GPS tags attached to the ankles of our illegal nerds, and our VMS, Vocal Monitoring Services, which have been deployed generously. The VMS has Slavic languages to English translations provided in an almost seamless manner. "Almost seamless" because when Vlad and Svet were caught in the midst of an amourous affair in the back seat of Svet's car, some of the pronouncements were mis-translated.

Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd and senior EVP of Customer Experience, told me that he has moved all Ukrainian nerds to the east wing and all the Ukrainians to the right wing. Diversity, Inclusion and Power to the People uncommisioned officer, Hugh White, suggested that the Ukrainians should move west and the Russians move east. Comrade Carl suggested to Hugh that he engage in sexual relations with his mother (youb tvai mat), and to butt out.

If HR has any value beyond policing, process compliance, downsizing and sycophany, it is in the area of creativity. So I put on my thinking cap, which generally speeds up my creativity, expecially if I am not looking at my smartphone. I use my smartphone all the time, it has been said.

Nevertheless, in a short interlude from my cell phone and with the thinking cap firming on my head, I came up with some value added to Comrade Carl's suggestions to calm down the tension between the warring factions. Our Israeli nerds will sell weapons to both sides to create a balance of power. Our European nerds will be tasked with coming up with a solution which could solve the issue, if both parties were Scandinavian; our American nerds can pray for peace. Old de Villiers, our South  African nerd, will mind his own business. "We have enough problems of our own," quipped old de Villiers.

During our management meeting, all idea were presented to CEO Stan, who remained standing due to a flare up in his ubiquitous hemorrhoids. When we finished presenting the problem cum solutions, Stan asked, "has anyone seen my preparation H?"