Our Caucasian and heterosexual Head of Diversity, Hugh White, decided that we need to be more transparent about covid infections in our firm. Actually, I don't listen to Hugh but even a broken clock is right twice a day, or even three times if you travel to the west.
I was also convinced to go public when an investigative newspaper reporter covering corporate affairs claimed that "the level of secrecy surrounding covid infections in the work place are reminiscent of a decrepit regime like North Korea or Eye-Ran". I don't mind North Korea or Iran as references, but only if they makes me look good.
In the spirit of functional transparency, I am divulging our corona data, all of it, warm and cold; fake and real; daily and near-daily.
Our 5 C level executives have received, when calculated together, together 19 shots of covid, when all is said and done. 3 were administered in the bum and the rest in hairy or hairless arms.70% of our nerds got Pfizzer; 29% got Astra; 15% got Moderna and 21% got constipated.We lost zero work days due to the virus because our reporting system is being replaced to better align with accuracy.Our nerds were quarantined for 45,981 days and our C level executives did not lose one second to quarantines due to a "load sharing mechanism" developed by our CFO Mr. Herr Krebbs.Hugh reports that 42% of the quarantined staff spoke English as a first language, or, did not speak English at all. 99% of our nerds don't speak good English. We do have 3 Scots in our nerd population, but I don't know what language they speak.
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