Comrade Carl questions the value of HR as he announces a "win"

"Yobt tvyou mat, we have done it", announced  R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks at a hastily convened management meeting this morning in the Joe Stalin Meeting Room.

Comrade Carl detailed his team's achievement.  "Our new product will be released in 3 weeks, and deployed on site in part of the former Ukraine, South Thailand and rural Albania".

Comrade Carl brought some vodka with him, and though Carl is a Lutheran born Atheist, he proposed we all drink "le-haim", which is a Jewish word, or Hebrew. Not sure. After all, I am from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

Le-haim-to life!

Comrade Carl clarified that we have "a few" bugs left to work out", and the "interface between R&D and deployment needs to be tweaked", yet, claims Carl, these difficulties "dwarf" the technical achievements. 

Hugh White from Diversity did not approve of the word dwarf. Moi, j'men calice. (Me? I don't give a f--k about Diversity, except that our switchboard is a stellar showcase of Diversity).

Then Comrade Carl added, "I know that this has been a long wait, and most of you comrades have been very patient. Thank you Stan. It "saddens me" that this great company has such a low level of HR support. Our workers have laboured days and night, in snow and in rain, with bravery that reminds me of the Battle for Stalingrad. Yet HR does nothing to make their hard effort worthwhile; there is no appreciation. I call upon Stan to allow me to hire my own HR business partner".

CEO Stan, drunk to the gills, looked at me and then texted me: "let it pass Glo; you are a great business partner, most of the time"

I am well paid.

A working lunch that resolved nothing

After Emerging Technologies Chief Nerd Comrade Carl Marks lashed out at HR in our senior leadership team yesterday, I invited Carl to "break bread" with me at Au Beau Pain.  That is a restaurant with a French name, if you did not notice. 

Comrade Carl, always the contrarian, said "Glo, let's go to a Russian restaurant; you'll love it". He feigned a Russian accent, as he does quite often!

 Did I ever tell you all that Comrade Carl Marks is an American, for heaven sake? He was born in  the USA, and his family sent him to Russia to study Internet of Things and Big Data. 

His parents were socialists! Now, I am a Canadian so that is not so shocking. As a matter of fact, my father Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom, used to tell me "Glo, the commies are not wrong about everything".

Personally, politics do not interest me, but since I am an HR manager, organizational politics interests me almost as much as people!

At lunch, Carl talked for two hours, rambling endlessly about CEO Stan's erratic nature, the oppression of the working class, the beauty of Cynthia Axe's cleavage, and his negative and non-wow view of HR. Comrade Carl used the term "non value adding free lunchers" twice.

Comrade Carl drank 3 glasses of vodka and two beers. I did not put in a word, almost. 

To end the conversation, Comrade Carl told me, "you are a great gal, Ramsbottom, and you have great stems. Too bad you're not "aligned" with the working class; you need to be a socialist, Gloria; after all, you are a Canadian". Then he mumbled a few words as he looked at the bill. "Yop tvoyu mat, I drank too much!" 

I wish I knew what that explicative means!

You can follow me @GRamsbottom