I am hiring an OD vendor for an offsite

Our senior management team is once again going off site for a one day brainstorming session  on "aligning with success". I am looking for an OD vendor.

The context of the offsite is yet another semi wow quarter, the non wow acceptance of our last software updates, the "ambiguous rescheduling" of our next release, and the prolonged captivity of our CEO by the Bank, following cash flow related "issues".

CEO Stan (who will be released by the bank for the offsite)  has asked that the offsite be wow wow wow. 

The OD vendor that we will commission should respect and grovel to SVP HR Gloria Ramsbottom. Furthermore, we are looking for a vendor who is:

1. practical (we want 10 action items)
2. global
3. sustainable
4. in line with our core values, whatever that means
5. flexible, especially in payment terms
6. built to last (until Stan retires)
7. leverage big data
8. civil
9. mellow and positive
10. high impact yet low key
11. fun fun fun
12. popular (average score of 9.8 out of 10) on summary sheet 

The vendor should speak English with a proper British accent, or at least without an Russian or Thai accent, in lines with respecting "most" minorities.

Please contact gloria.ramsbottom@gmail.com

Follow me @GRamsbottom