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Miss Cynthia Axe who heads our re-sizing department is to open a re-sizing portal, as we reshape our company, in preparation for our 2019 growth strategy.
The goal of the portal is to enable a wow resizing axe-perience, as we realign our axe-penses "to facilitate growth". I love the word "facilitate". 80 people will be "released" by Dec 2015.
The portal will enable nerds to place a bet as to whether or not they are being resized, thus making re-sizing fun. For a correct guess, one gets a free coupon to our webinar on "virtual parenting." For a wrong guess, a 5 USD fine is levied, which makes HR into a business partner. My grade 4 teacher was Mrs Levy-McClean, which appears to have mixed ethnicity.
Bottom line, we want all our people to feel gr8, both those who remain behind and those thrown over board in a positive fashion, as it were.
that is a break through alright, you have taken HR to a new level of wow and definitely deserve a set at the table, at the right hand of Stan the man.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
ReplyDeleteI shall also try and axe-pose Ms Axe to Stan.
Merci
Gamification might be trendy but, lets face it, its not new: we've been falsifying personnel data since the first HR information systems were introduced. Where salaries are involved it is going to happen. I am not saying that all HR systems are corrupt... only that I have never seen one that wasn't.
ReplyDeleteDear Geoffrey,
ReplyDeleteBite your tongue, young man. We are not a 3rd world, fly by night shop.
Our HR department is cutting edge, if you get my drift.
Thank you, and merci, which is French for thanks.
Gloria
Over a career spanning 40 years I still say that the single most effective money making scheme there is, is to buy HR departments for what they're worth and sell them for what they think they're worth. Make a fortune!
ReplyDeletelol lol lol lol
ReplyDeletethe new dilberta