When the Scots leave the UK

Post Stan

Whilst I want to tap into my employees'  rather limited talent, I do not want them to feel "too good", which would make them ask for more money. 

Thus, while I do not keep my employees on a short leash, the canine metaphor is not irrelevant. Par exemple:

CEO Stan, Hugh White (Diversity) and I met in the parking lot. Hugh looked so White in the morning sun.

Stan spoke to Hugh without asking my permission: 
"So White, if the Scots leave Britain, will you get rid of that Scot who works at the switchboard, whose accent is incomprehensible? I suggest you do that Hugh, and hire someone from England. After all, England will become a very small country, and being English may become a "disability" with a Northern neighbour like Scotland. For Christs sake, I read that the Scots will abandon the English language altogether".

I do not know too much about Scotland;

I regret not having paid attention to Mr Blanc, my history teacher. He always looked at me and said, "Gloria, don't sit there like a bump on a log`.

White (Hugh) froze and looked at me. Hugh knows that all dialogue with senior management must be channeled through me, in line with my core value of power preservation.

I need to think how I want to guide White and manage his talent. Too much initiative is not a good thing. 

I slept in History Class but I am a thought leader in HR

Aligning with common sense

HR's role is to maintain a civil dialogue in English and ensure sanity.

The fact that our newest product is not "stable" is causing a non wow nightmare. Our product has 30,987 revenue impacting bugs. Most of our treacherous client base wish to uninstall it.

Chief nerd Comrade Carl Mark's personality was never all that stable to begin with. This crisis has made things worse. Comrade Carl Marks claims that product bugs are a result of rumor mongering, not big data.

And Comrade Carl  is convinced that the lack of product stability is a service issue, not an engineering problem. 

There is also a linguistic problem in R&D which impacts product quality, if you ask me. Carl's staff is 39% Russian, and the rest of the engineers are Indians, Chinese and Middle Easterners. Very  people actually understand the English language product specs.....and this explains a lot of product issues, from an HR perspective.

Two hours each day, Comrade Carl has been seen reading a book on the Mossad, which is a foreign version of the infamous and evil KGB, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the defunct Scorpions, and the beloved CIA. Comrade Carl apparently believes our clients can be "convinced"  into believing our product is "a pearl".

Our CEO Stan believes that an HR intervention is needed to "straighten Comrade Carl out" so that he will not wait for miracles, but fix the bugs! Stan instructed me to hire more English speaking engineers because he believes that "people who speak English well generally have more common sense." Hugh White (a white heterosexual) from Diversity disagrees.

The ladies of HR and Hugh White from Diversity started enforcing our global "English Language  Only" policy in the cafeteria, to get more traction around aligning ourselves with common sense.

I may need a vendor with a background in psychiatry and appreciative inquiry, who works pro bono.