The Diversity Project Manager on my team, Hugh White, burst into my room whilst I was texting my sister, Marie de la Montaigne Vilner O'Brien Ramsbottom.
Hugh White happens to be white as a lily and heterosexual, his partner being his lovely wife Ludmilla White nee Khruschev. True, Ludmilla and young Hugh have their rough patches, but I have no reason to believe that Hugh and Lud don't roll in the hay, from time to time.
But, I want to get back to the point.
I could see that Hugh had wet his pants and was shaking like a maple leaf. "My life is in ruins. My career is caduc. Cursed is the ship that brought us here."
Hugh was upset.
Listening is a great tool and feigned listening is even better. Continuing to text Marie, I asked Hugh to put some meat on the bone and not yelp like a yelper.
"Gloria, all the Diversity buzzwords we have been throwing around, all the smoke we have been blowing up peoples' rear ends, all the rainbow-type love thy neighbour is becoming like as passe as French has become as the language of diplomacy. People confuse between bisexual and bi partisan, between worse and worstest, and poetic justice and plagiarism".
Hugh fell on knees. "What will become of me; I have such huge fucking mortgage [payments and Ludmilla shops for clothes like there is no tomorrow? Can you move me into recruitment"?
I reassured Hugh that no one, no one, will close down our Diversity Project-we have recruited more Asians than a Chinese restaurant; our IT department looks like we are in Chad and we don't permit too much harassment of Jews.
At which point I received a text from CEO Stan, a Harvard graduate "before Harvard became a "woke shit hole", in his words. "Gloria, close the Diversity Project and if you argue with me, I will fry your white ass and send you back to Canada on a one way ticket. Love, Stan"
Hugh will be setting up our recruitment department, which will report into our CFO, the German Mister Herr Krebbs, who claims that "ve need to trim fifty per -zent frrrrom ze head count".
