Preparing pre-recorded participation in a Zoom call

The Glo bot

Many of our nerds keep very strange schedules now that they are working from their homes, tents or caves. 

Some of the nerds have returned to living according to the time zone of their native lands; some have reverted to eating huge meals at 23.00 (11 PM); some Nordic nerds eat fish for breakfast and thus, don't feel like working until noon.

As a result, Zoom conferences are scheduled for all sorts of weird hours, many of which are not aligned with the time flow of a regular, normal person, such as me. Last week, for example, the following Zoom calls were held:

0500-0530 Dormant non agile features on our new release

2230-2330 Rename features to obfuscate user experience until marketing covers the blemishes
0130-0300 Is our product trans-friendly?

For lesser HR ladies than me,  the control, command and communication baton of HR has been decimated by the so called corona virus by dint of all work being done remotely, but I have devised a pre-recorded participation of HR ladies (and Diversity men) which can be inserted into all meetings whatever time they are held. So we can remain powerful and live our lives in this new epoque of total chaos, depression and re-orientation.

How have I done so? Well,I have developed the Glo-bot and the Hugh White Straight white Diversity-bot, which insert pre-canned comments every 5 minutes into Zoom calls.

Here are some prime examples of what these bots say.

Glo-bot

• Now look here. Wait a minute. What about the people dimension?
• Let's factor a pinch of well-being into the equation,and make ensure blockchain compatibility.
• Please talk slowly. I cannot understand your tribal accent.
• He sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag. Head count is frozen.
• Intrinsic motivation is more important than silly old money.
• Mais oui, mais non. That does not follow process.    

 Hugh White Straight White-bot

• Praying 9 times a day is not a compliance issue, but we will dock your pay.
• Let's strike a balance twixt sexual orientation and competence.
• Black lives matter, but if you aren't black,don't worry. It's not dangerous to work here.

For more pre-recorded scripts, stay tuned. Tak.