2020 HR strategy of the 1st lady of HR includes Liminal Space Meditation

Nose to the ground

If l keep my ears to the ground, I notice there are plenty of external factors I need to take into account in order to forge our new HR strategy. 2020 presents some interesting challenges. By the way, I always keep my ears to the ground.

Following my survival instincts, I decided that I need to "put my foot on the gas" vis a vis (French) climate change. Thus no one except senior management will fly for business trips any more. For "rank and file" travel needs, I am presently negotiating a corporate discount with Greyhound Buses, Arriva and Amtrak. So that takes care of 2020 social responsibility and our carbon footprint plan, as it were.

Wellness is also a major issue on my plate. In previous years, we have provided free 10 mgs of Cipralex for Sales Staff, and Pervitin stuka tabletten for our nerds to ensure that they meet our benignly aggressive deadlines.

                                         

To meet my 2020 wellness goals, this needs to change pronto. I am upping the dosage of Cipralex to 20 mg, and adding an Ariply (Ablify) tablet; this should keep our sales people happy and jocund. 

For the nerds, Pervitin will be replaced by Liminal Space  Mindfulness Seminars, piped into the open space areas of R&D, including the toilets.

I do know that HR is not the most popular function in the company and I need to address this in a timely fashion. So I am doing a survey of who exactly does not appreciate us, after which I will take corrective action, to be carried out by a recently energized Ms Axe, who in now on Pervitin.

Finally everyone needs to develop their own “skilly skill skills“. 2020 is no different. I have planned an Improve your English Accent Training Video, which will be available to all our staff who blubber, confuse, tap-dance, mutter, dither and fumble their way through communicative tasks due to their tribal tongue interfering with proper English.

Our Swiss blockchain will provide me a dashboard which will monitor progress, daily.