Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Comrade Carl returns to work immediately after surgery

After a kila repair



As HR business partner, I often wonder around the cubicles, eavesdropping, gossiping and picking up tidbits of minutia in an effort to be ahead of the pack.

This week, I had planned to spend my time wandering around Comrade Carl Marks' Blockchain Department. The comrade underwent surgery on Sunday for a triple inguinal hernia (which he called a "kila") so I thought that this week would be a good time to gather information about Carl's leadership, in the opportune time of his sick leave.

When I entered the physical domain occupied by Comrade Carl's nerds this morning, I was surprised to see them sitting on the floor, surrounding their leader who had come straight from the hospital.
Comrade Carl was gaunt and he certainly was not sitting down, but he appeared clearly in charge. He told his nerds that it took 12 men to strap him down to the operating table, and that he talked on his cellphone giving orders even as he was put to sleep "by a Russian anesthesiologist named Vlad".  

Comrade Carl told his nerds that hernia surgery is "nothing at all" and although he feels a twinge here, there and don't ask where, he is in full command and "I will shoot the first nerd who tries to move into my space. Don't fuck with me".

Comrade Carl told his nerds that "I could have had sex an hour after surgery, but decided not to, because risk assessment is the duty of the commander".

Carl then asked all of his nerds to kiss his ring, and wish him "refuah shlema", a full recovery in some strange tribal ritual. 

"Gloria let's go to a stand-up lunch table", suggested Carl, who walked slower than usual, more like a duck that a person.

Carl said, "I am not a liberal leader, sweet Gloria. My nerds come from 3rd world shitholes where weakness means "here is a chance to take control and ax the leader. All that bullshit HR theory teaches compassion, but there is no compassion, just power. You are either a hammer or a nail, kibinimat."

Carl handed me a $20 bill and said, "lunch on me. I'm going out to run a mile. Lunch is not good for my Gesundheit".

I saw Carl get into a taxi, slowly, and head home.


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