Friday, 3 May 2019

Loyal Opposition in Organizations

I got stuck with the lunch tab

Comrade Carl invited me to the Plan of Records Committee Meeting, during which product release dates are set in stone. 
Carl asked that I film the meeting and “show it to your HR cronies to illustrate what real leadership looks like".

In the meeting, Comrade Carl stated that a new product version to a Cook Islands client needs to be released 6 months earlier than planned and asked for comments. Sanjay, Sanjay, Sanjay, Svetlana, Svetlana, Svetlana and Igor all claimed that the new commitment  was "doable". 

Nguyen, true to style, kept silent. 

Aaron claimed that the new release date is delusional but the "client does not know his ass from his elbow, so we can blame them when the product backfires".

Comrade Carl told Aaron that he appreciated his openness, and asked me to escort Aaron to Ms Axe, for a “choppy choppy” session as well as a new membership card to our Early Bird Involuntary Retirement Plan. Aaron had a brief meeting with Ms Axe, and he left the building with his head tucked underneath his arm.

I challenged the comrade over lunch an hour later, noting that “in my correspondence with the British and Scandinavians, I have noticed that dissent may have a positive function in creating commitment”.

The Comrade downed 2 cheeseburgers, four brandies and a martini and was silent for ten minutes, during which I texted my sister and picked at my chicken salad. Then Carl lectured me as follows.

“Gloria you don’t have a fucking clue. Dissent is important only the decadent west, where opposition is “loyal”. Loyal opposition?  Are you crazy? Jesus Christ. In the west, the opposition serves as a check and balance, and protects the minority. That’s why the west is fading. Everywhere else, opposition is silenced, killed or stowed away in jail, kibinimat. There is no room for opposition in my regime. That’s why I’m so revered. That why I pay your salary. Btw  Gloria, read up on Comrade Lazar Kaganovitch, a fine administrator of creating firm commitment to a regime. And look how the good dentist Dr Assad of Syria bounced back from the brink - dumping his 4 millions dissenters in the heart of Europe".

I reminded Comrade Carl that none our products have been sold in 7 quarters. “That’s another issues Gloria. Don’t mix apples and pineapples”. 

Then Carl upped and left the table to pee, and apparently fell asleep on the can. I paid the bill, and went back to the office to play with my new German blockchain.

Carl's role model
Tovarish Kaganovitch

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