It has been
one month since our latest product was released and launched in a small corrupt
island off the coast somewhere in the Pacific near Australia, where people throw spears and
litter the beach with plastic.
The product
crashed upon installation, taking out the Island’s electrical grid for 3 weeks.
Many people in the aforementioned island don’t use electricity, but the prime
minister and his family sure do and a lot of noise was thus generated.
Our sales
manager, who had visited the island several times, is now being held hostage,
and being fed with tribal food which is far too spicy.
In the
meantime, the interface between our Sales team and R&D team has degenerated,
making the middle-east look like a garden of peaceful co-existence. To be more
exact, there have been 3 stabbings in the parking lot, and a Molotov cocktail
was thrown in the dining hall.
Naturally,
this is a people problem and I acted without delay by holding a round table
dialogue between Sales and R&D under my auspices in the HR Conference Room
aka the Vatican.
The discussion
got out of hand after Comrade Carl Marks made his opening comments.
This is what
Comrade Carl said, after I promoted HR and then handed him the microphone.
“Nerds,
salesmen and sales women, Gloria, the precious Ms Axe, I wish you all a good
afternoon. Lend me your ears. Instead of pointing out how useless our Sales team is, and how
finicky our client is, I want to tell you about how things work in Saudi Arabia”.
I knew then
that this dialogue would be non-wow. The Comrade continued.
“The Sauds
and the Wahhabis are two families who work in synergy to run the joint. The
Sauds provide the state mechanism and the armed forces, and the Wahhabi boys
provide religion and morality. It works wonders, except a limited number of
unexpected excesses, which happen everywhere, even in Britain.”
“I see the
relation between Sales and Engineering much in the same light. We are 2 love
birds in the same nest. We engineers provide the user experience, the brains,
the sophistication; Sales handles the tut—tut-tutting customer and other
background noise by managing customers’ expectations. It is a marriage made in
heaven”.
Comrade Carl
then pointed at me saying, “Gloria has good intentions, but HR is full of shit.
In Saudi Arabia, most of the HR managers are either British expats or Saudi
princesses. Gloria is from Canada, and with all due respect, what does she know
about anything except paper work and visas? This conference is dismissed”.
Carl pointed
at the door and told his nerds, “bara bara”, with means go out, I was told. But I am not sure in which language.
I just got
this text from our CEO Stan. “Gloria- great work. I heard that Comrade Carl
gave a great speech. Stan”.
 |
| Bara bara |
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