Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Building bridges between Nerds and Sales People-The role of the HR lady

It has been one month since our latest product was released and launched in a small corrupt island off the coast somewhere in the Pacific near Australia, where people throw spears and litter the beach with plastic.

The product crashed upon installation, taking out the Island’s electrical grid for 3 weeks. Many people in the aforementioned island don’t use electricity, but the prime minister and his family sure do and a lot of noise was thus generated.

Our sales manager, who had visited the island several times, is now being held hostage, and being fed with tribal food which is far too spicy.

In the meantime, the interface between our Sales team and R&D team has degenerated, making the middle-east look like a garden of peaceful co-existence. To be more exact, there have been 3 stabbings in the parking lot, and a Molotov cocktail was thrown in the dining hall.

Naturally, this is a people problem and I acted without delay by holding a round table dialogue between Sales and R&D under my auspices in the HR Conference Room aka the Vatican.

The discussion got out of hand after Comrade Carl Marks made his opening comments.
This is what Comrade Carl said, after I promoted HR and then handed him the microphone.

“Nerds, salesmen and sales women, Gloria, the precious Ms Axe, I wish you all a good afternoon. Lend me your ears. Instead of pointing out how useless our Sales team is, and how finicky our client is, I want to tell you about how things work in Saudi Arabia”.

I knew then that this dialogue would be non-wow. The Comrade continued.

“The Sauds and the Wahhabis are two families who work in synergy to run the joint. The Sauds provide the state mechanism and the armed forces, and the Wahhabi boys provide religion and morality. It works wonders, except a limited number of unexpected excesses, which happen everywhere, even in Britain.”

“I see the relation between Sales and Engineering much in the same light. We are 2 love birds in the same nest. We engineers provide the user experience, the brains, the sophistication; Sales handles the tut—tut-tutting customer and other background noise by managing customers’ expectations. It is a marriage made in heaven”.

Comrade Carl then pointed at me saying, “Gloria has good intentions, but HR is full of shit. In Saudi Arabia, most of the HR managers are either British expats or Saudi princesses. Gloria is from Canada, and with all due respect, what does she know about anything except paper work and visas? This conference is dismissed”.

Carl pointed at the door and told his nerds, “bara bara”, with means go out, I was told. But I am not sure in which language.

I just got this text from our CEO Stan. “Gloria- great work. I heard that Comrade Carl gave a great speech. Stan”.

Bara bara

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