Ushering in 2019 with the First Lady of the Human Resource

Several years ago, I sent our CEO Stan to a leadership seminar during which he learnt debriefing skills; sadly he even insists on implementing them. 
Today was a good example; Stan held a senior management meeting to "usher in" the new year. Usher is a great word, by the way.

Usher

Stan wished us all health, happiness and making the numbers, not in that order. Then he asked each one of us to debrief 2018 and express wishes and desires for 2019, "in a timely manner".

Our German CFO Mister Herr Krebbs told us that in 2018 "ve did not crrreate enough cash, unt az a rezult, I got an Geschwur (ulcer). I hope zat in 2019, Comrade Karl vill release a product zat vill fill ze coffers. Danke. I'm finished speaking".

Stan thanked Herr Krebbs, then added that he should improve his English.

Then it was my turn. I reminded our leadership staff that union activity had been nipped in the bud, there are now more slogans in the air than flies near a horses bum, headcount was down and costs of labour were lower than what the Americans payed the Chinese to build the railroad. As far as 2019, I promised far more happiness to lever horsepower, and much more of the same via blockchain enablement, but far better and data-free!

Nipped 

CEO Stan told me that cost cutting has no rock bottom, and I should strive for constant improvement "like the Japanese do". 

R&D Chief Nerd and Chief Product Architect Comrade Carl Marks spoke next. The Comrade was wearing shorts and beach shoes; his T shirt was engraved with a slogan-"Let's go back to the Good Old Days" and a picture of Lenin. The comrade seized a megaphone and spoke, "The present is hard to make sense of. Our clients have become finicky and spoiled rotten. They don't know a good thing when they see one, and this casts doom upon us. Kibinimat, the average Joe is stupid. Fuck democracy;  market forces are "forces of evil'. When nothing is clear, history trumps physics as an exact science. We need to return to the days of greatness when the clients ate from the palm of our hand. But alas, HR staffs our organization with cheap 3rd world refugees and mediocre engineers. There is only so much I can do. But those of use who love Russia know that cynicism trumps mindless western optimism. Let`s drink for 2019 - and I hope Gloria will allow me to peck her cold Canadian cheek with a kiss. Spasiba."

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