The end of white privilege

The ever so unreliable Hugh White

When I opened my email this morning, I almost died. I stress almost. I'm still around.

There was an email in my inbox from Hugh White, the straight white boy who manages Diversity and Inclusion, addressed to our CEO Stan. 

Stan is what you would call a white boy, as white a sheet, who studied at Yale to boot. Voila, here is what he wrote.

From: Hugh White

To: CEO Stan

CC: Gloria

BCC: all

Stan,

I have been watching the Kavanaugh hearings. Suddenly, I feel a strange sense of empowerment. I hear God (or one of his assistants)  telling me that the end of white privilege is upon us.

Since I was hired, I feel like a fig leaf, hiring a few disabled people here and there, and training our staff to show respect to one another, even if they eat smelly oily food. But now, I feel that my time has come to make an impact.

Isn't it time that we hire members of the management team who don't speak good English? Isn't it time that people of colour were hired not only  in development teams, the parking lot and facilities? Isn't it time we close down for Jewish holidays in September so we can have vacations like the French? Isn't it time that all managers bring their report cards from school and prove how smart they were?

And I want to be honest with you Stan my boy. Gloria is my boss and I am fine with that. But just as easy, I could be her boss. HR is dominated by very assertive females like Gloria; even though Gloria herself is white, this too must end. My wife Ludmilla told me it must end rather quickly. She means business.

Finally Stan, just to be clear. I was a virgin until I was 14, then I had a mishap. A minor one. I drank Canada Dry at home and Heineken at parties. And on occasion, a Labatt Blue, Brewmeister or Stella.

Thank you for taking the time to read this epistle. Looking forward to a bright future, free from the chains of oppression.

Yours,

Hugh White