Monday, 10 September 2018

The Dutch Experience

Wassen-Knippen in Holland
This year was the first time I took vacation since I became Executive Senior Vice President of Human Resources aka Chief People Person. I spent 8 days in the Netherlands, aka Holland. Before I left, I locked the door of my office and took 6 cellphones and 13 batteries so that I could stay "au courant" with what's happening at the office.

Yes, I know that I have used aka twice.

Comrade Carl- "So what?"

Upon my return to work today, I found Comrade Carl Marks (our chief nerd) was sitting in my office. The 21 pictures of my dear old Dad, Pierre Elliot, had been replaced by pictures of Mister Joseph Stalin, Marshall Zhukov and Comrade Lazar Kaganovitz. "Don't worry, Gloria", sprouted Carl, "I know that you are back; I'm moving out. I just wanted to prove that I can do both your job and mine. I learnt that HR is not much when there is no one to fire or brainwash".

On the wall
As Carl was taking down his photos and removing his clutter from my desk, he told that "Holland is an interesting place. The ladies in De Wallen make more that most HR executives and work far less. And they are unionized to boot, which is something that one would expect from Sweden. And there is no private parking, Gloria. If you were Dutch, you would be driving a fucking bike to work, even in the winter."
 Marshall Zhukov on the wall

I asked Comrade Carl if he wanted to hear about my vacation. He said, "let me finish, Gloria, kibinimat".

"The joints in Holland are high quality. The joints are almost as good as the cheese. I think the government there has things right-if you can't beat it, tax it. Not like those stupid puritan two faced Americans who fight wars against the human lusts like drugs, sex, pleasure, sex and sex, and dump a president who pays a hooker a small fee to shut the fuck up."

I reminded Comrade Carl that he is American.

"So what, Gloria, you are Canadian and you are not a socialist. You screw the working class."

Then Comrade Carl kissed me on the forehead, took his gear and departed. "I missed you Gloria, but Miss Axe can do your job and she dresses very scantily, like many of those Russian, Ukrainian, Romanian and lovely gaunt Albanian women in De Wallen".

Back at work

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