Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Artificial Intelligence provides the ultimate User Experience

#AI enabled involuntarily early bird retirement

The Head of our Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Program, a certain Cynthia Axe, met with me today after I had put her off for six months. 
Ms Axe, who was chosen the most unpopular employee for 67 quarters straight, presented me with options how we could augment downsizing activities leveraging artificial  intelligence and bots, otherwise known as AI.

There is always a dilemma whenever I sent staff off for training. Ever since Ms Axe listened to the (free) webinar on Becoming a Business Partner, she has been brimming with ideas. Personally, I don't care if you brim with ideas, as long as you do what you are told.

Ms Axe told me that by providing each downsized employee with a pair of special glasses, the user experience would change for the better. "The glasses could make it appear as if they were about to receive a million dollars, instead of a kick in the ass", claimed an excited Miss Axe.

Ms Axe did not stop there. "Gloria, we can hire a few bots that can fire people in their local language. 89% of the people I fire don't understand half the time that they are losing their jobs". 
I noted that over the years, Ms Axe is becoming more compassionate.

However, when Ms Axe claimed that AI could make each downsized employee believe he (or she) is in Copenhagen where people are happy all year although they live in the dark-that's when I suggested to Ms Axe that she calms down until "you get a handle on things."

My Dad Pierre Elliot used to tell me Mom to "get a handle on things" when he noticed her raising her voice during change of life.

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