Thursday, 16 February 2017

Triple the amount of artificial intelligence

Danes are happy board members

The wife of our CEO Stan, a lady known to my readers as Wifey, has struck once again. Wifey has been reading 16 hours a day about bots & artificial intelligence.

This reading spree of Wifey happened simultaneously with a board meeting this week during which the Chairman of the Board informed CEO Stan that "you are walking on thin ice; if you don't show profit in 2017, you are out on your fat ass. Now get the fuck out of my room and start running the company".

I have never seen Stan's bum, but the Chairman meant business, if you ask me.

On the very same day of the chairman's veiled threat, the head of our Engineering Department Comrade Carl Marks organized a demonstration (with 700 of his nerds) outside Stan's office calling for more ethnic food, less focus on UX / customer satisfaction and release from the bonds of profitability.  One demonstrator carried a placard which read "Stan, Gloria et RH au poteau".  (Gloria and HR to the chopping block).

Wifey's reading spree, the chairman's threat and the demonstration threatening me with a guillotine-when put together, provides the context for a text message Stan sent me an hour ago.

"Gloria, we need more reliance on artificial intelligence, especially in R&D management. Treble the amount of bots which mange code development. One more demand-our board lacks in a sense of happiness. And give everyone a Danish passport to augment the amount of happiness. All this within a week, or you will get the boot. Stan. PS I don't need a Danish passport; I like warm weather and sunlight."

Under scrutiny

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