My touching HR message for the Jewish New Year

שנה טובה לדוד גיבור

The white straight boy who runs Diversity, Hugh White, informed me that the Jewish New Years begins on Monday evening. I cannot understand why the Jewish new year and the Chinese one "fall" on different dates. It just not make sense, from an HR perspective.

Hugh asked me to address our Jewish nerds on Monday by saying, "Gloria you may not be Jewish but you  addressed the Blacks on Martin Luther King Day!"

So today at noon, Hugh gathered the folks into the HR Conference Room, which is strangely called the Vatican. Hugh White introduced me, and I gave a short talk in my shrill voice.

"I had a Jewish girlfriend in high  school back in Canada named Sharon Bernstein. She used to tell me that during September, there are too many meals, new years festivals, a day of fasting and too many family gatherings. Sharon asked me to hide her under my bed until the holidays ended. Of course my Dad, Pierre Elliot Ramsbotttom, did not agree....

I used to copy from Sharon in math tests and she copied from me in French, Latin, and spelling...Sharon once suggested I convert for the month of September, so I could have a lot of days off from school. Sharon warned me -"But you'll get fat Gloria"...So happy new year, and please leave your phones open during the holiday, in the framework of work work life balance."

Hugh White: straight, white and not Jewish