Saturday, 6 August 2016

How HR can best partner with consultants to create Artificial Intelligence

Creating Artificial Intelligence

Recently we (the royal we) commissioned a consultant to deal with the lack of engagement with the Class 4 Nerds. This refers to a nerd from a non English speaking country who gets his green card, and starts to show lack of respect for our company in general and the ladies of HR in particular.

In the tender I issued for the consultant, we had 40,8974 bids, which must say someone about market conditions. My team reviewed each bid for 2 seconds, and brought to me the final 5 candidates for consideration.

This weekend I spent time with my sister, who is undergoing her 4th divorce in as many months. Whilst dealing with her hysterics and helping her pack her tucker bag, I chose the consultant with whom I  (we) will work.

I used the following big data-based decision criteria to chose the vendor. 

1-Slavish loyalty
2-Abject poverty
3-Over 50 and plump
4-In possession of ready made tool kits
5-Understands broken English

The consultant was elated when chosen, and I asked that the synergy created by the project be transferred into Artificial Intelligence and Big Data at no extra price! 

As my Dad used to say, "what a deal, Lucille"!




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