Sunday, 24 July 2016

The Five Heavenly Pearls of HR Wisdom


In the framework of digital detox that I recently underwent guided by a French guru ,  I read a book. Mais oui! I am tingling with a feeling a global diversity because the author of the book is Chinese. 

I fell asleep mystified by the Orient and dreamt that the 5 heavenly pearls of wisdom had fell onto my crown. (In the dream, I had been crowned the first lady of HR for the entire world, including Denmark)

Each pearl was stuffed full of 25% data and 80% wisdom, if my math is right. These 5 pearls all together give me the path to ultimate wisdom, from an HR perspective.

The first pearl is call the "Pearl of Blame", meaning that for all things, someone needs to bite the bullet.

The second pearl is the "Pearl of Process", meaning that human behaviour can and must be regulated by business processes, under the benign auspices of HR.

The 3rd pearl is the "Pearl of Data", meaning that all intuition needs to be backed up with the "shtempaleh" (official stamp) of data.

The 4th pearl is the "Pearl of Diversity and Inclusion", meaning that I need to get rid of Hugh White as head of Diversity because he is straight and white.

The 5th pearl of the "Pearl of Yearly Performance Appraisal", because nothing, not even AI  bots driven by big data, can hold a candle to Performance Appraisal by giving HR so much power.

Hugh White is the straight white boy who runs diversity