|A firms' health is a firms wealth, so to speak|
Our CEO Stan is very mindful of health issues. Suffering as he does from hemorrhoids, there is always a jar of Preparation H on his desk, next to a picture of his dear Wifey.
Stan is very worried about the Corona virus and its impact on the "bottom" line, not in the sense of hemorrhoids. "Gloria, 87% of our sales activity takes place in Asia. No one in the western world will ever buy our product until it is more stable, not even Sweden which tends to be liberal to the point of self destruction. So, as my HR business partner, please ensure that sales activity (including travel to China) goes on as usual whilst the firm is perceived as caring about health".
I was about to leave the room when Stan added, "Gloria, send me risk analysis based on big data about the number nerds who are or will be exposed to that nasty but not so deadly virus, and prepare a retention bonus which will allow them to keep on working".
Heavens, I thought to myself, but then got control of my emotions, in line with my core values of self control and HR business partnership.
I also dutifully updated our TWP (travel and wellness policy) with the following 5 items:
1) Unmasked sexual activity is frowned upon in the next few quarters, unless it takes place in Canada, the US, Britain, Chad, France or Denmark.
2) Travel to the Orient can be dangerous, unless you pick up a mask and hygienic gloves and "Ramsbottom Lotion", available at the pharmacy. Call the HR hotline, and press CV for details.
3) Nerds who were graded "exceeds expectations" will be provided with a skilled footman for their Asian travel.
4) HR supports health and wellness. Stan truly does care et il sait faire, which rhymes.
5) Anyone who wants big data on our stretch goals, press SG.
Sunday, 7 February 2016
Corona Virus means change to Travel and Wellness Procedures
White Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, walked into the office this morning with his tucker bag, which is Australian word for duffle ba...
Glo at her best
Guide to Working on site in Capsules to avoid spread of Corona Virus using brilliant Israeli artificial intelligence and common senseNo more teletrabajo. Tak Comrade Carl Marks, our chef nerd, Head of Product Development and Head of User Experience, went directly t...
The greatest HR achievement from the corona period is the introduction of tele-medicine policy for our staff, nerds and senior management ...
Comrade Carl on the new normal "What is the new normal?" was a question that I posed to our core senior management team...
It has been a long time since our management team met face to face. Our CEO's wife, aka 'Wifey', had demanded from her hus...
Preparation H Comrade Carl Marks, our chief nerd, suggested today in our Core Team Management Meaning conducted by Zoom, that the ...
Shake a leg, Gloria Our chief nerd, Comrade Carl Marks, sent out an email to all our management and staff which read, "Shake a ...