Sunday, 7 February 2016

Corona Virus means change to Travel and Wellness Procedures

A firms' health is a firms wealth, so to speak

Our CEO Stan is very mindful of health issues. Suffering as he does from hemorrhoids, there is always a jar of Preparation H on his desk, next to a picture of his dear Wifey.

Stan is very worried about the Corona virus and its impact on the "bottom" line, not in the sense of hemorrhoids. "Gloria, 87% of our sales activity  takes place in Asia. No one in the western world will ever buy our product until it is more stable, not even Sweden which tends to be liberal to the point of self destruction. So, as my HR business partner, please ensure that sales activity (including travel to China) goes on as usual whilst the firm is perceived as caring about health". 

I was about to leave the room  when Stan added, "Gloria, send me risk analysis based on big data about the number nerds who are or will be exposed to that nasty but not so deadly virus, and prepare a retention bonus which will allow them to keep on working". 

Heavens, I thought to myself, but then got control of my emotions, in line with my core values of  self control and HR business partnership. 

I also dutifully updated our TWP (travel and wellness policy) with the following 5 items: 

1) Unmasked sexual activity is frowned upon in the next few quarters, unless it takes place in Canada, the US, Britain, Chad, France or Denmark.

2) Travel to the Orient can be dangerous, unless you pick up a mask and hygienic gloves and "Ramsbottom Lotion", available at the pharmacy. Call the HR hotline, and press CV for details.  

3) Nerds who were graded "exceeds expectations" will be provided with a skilled footman for their Asian travel.

4) HR supports health and wellness. Stan truly does care et il sait faire, which rhymes.

5) Anyone who wants big data on our stretch goals, press SG.

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I should spend less time on urgent matters

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