Wednesday, 11 November 2015

One sure way to prompt up a sagging image

Keeping Gloria abreast-Hugh White

Comrade Carl Marks and his team of nerds were at a training offsite today dedicated to the subject of Image Enhancement for a Failing Product.

HR had organized a cost effective vendor who was ready to deliver the training for free.

I had promised this hungry vendor more work in 2022 if the session went well.

However, Comrade Carl, who was supposed to open the offsite by introducing the trainer, took the microphone and talked from 0800 until 1300. When he finished his diatribe, he told his nerds that they were free to take the rest of the day off, and thanked the training vendor for her patience. "Spasiba, you can go home Tovarish (Comrade)."

Since the trainer was not white and hardly spoke English, I had asked the white heterosexual boy Hugh White, who runs diversity, to attend the offsite. Hugh sent me the following email.

Hi Gloria,
Comrade Carl spoke for 5 hours straight. To make a long story short, the comrade criticized Western civilization for excess litigation and “harping on product weakness” like a "laf-laf"
The comrade stated that many mid-eastern societies solve problems  via intermarriage between tribes and clans. “Kibinimat, Saudi Arabia would fall apart at the seams without intermarriage between the tribes”, claimed Carl. 
Then Carl said that the complaints about the product were “hear-say”, imperialist propaganda, and baseless. “As a matter of fact, if Gloria were to marry the unhappy CEO of Zimbabwe Public Utilities, all of their complaints about our product would disappear, like a herring on the table of a hungry Dane.” Then the comrade added, "marrying Gloria is probably the ultimate user experience".
Comrade Carl added, “we all know that HR is useless, but if Gloria were to marry this “bloke”, all of us would line up and wash her cold Canadian feet.”
Gloria, I suggest checking Carl’s medication. My guess is that he is drinking vodka whilst under the influence of Cipralex 20 mg.
Humbly submitted,

Hugh White, (Head of Diversity and Right Hand Man of the right honourable Gloria Ramsbottom)

Saudi style
Words of wisdom from the Comrade

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