Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Uber HR manager

Nice package

Our CEO's better half and I have lunch once a month, in line with my core values of "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". 
Today was the day! Wifey had vegetables with a tahini dip, and I had a some rye bread and herring.

During lunch, Wifey told me that "the more I read about French labour law, the more I respect them. They never ever fire staff and when they do, management never sends them home empty handed. Being fired in France has a unique user experience, just like in liberal Scandinavia!" 

Wifey then suggested that I try to introduce this practice into our company by the end of the week. "After all Gloria, you come from a very socialist country yourself." Wifey was referring to Canada.

I guess that I should have consulted with Ms Axe and Hugh White, the white heterosexual who runs diversity, about how to "process" Wifey's comments. But every time I do consult them, I get added negative value. If you ask me, all HR managers need to learn to feign interest in their lackeys'  input.

After thinking the matter through for 5 minutes, I updated Wifey that all employees over 60 whom we axe will get any two of the following 5 items, as long as they have 40 years seniority.

1-a hat with the embroidered  emblem of our firm
2-a map of Klaksvik 
3-this autographed black and white picture of Ms Axe and me.

4-a voucher for a day tour  of Raqqa 

Wifey texted me, "Gloria, you outdid yourself; you are an Uber HR manager".

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