At noon, a leading online software journal published a review of Comrade Carl Mark's latest software release, calling it "a rehash of old ideas in a new package, with a bucket load of semi-functioning exotic feature which have dubious value. We rate it 2 on a 10 point scale". (Comrade Carl leads our Engineering Department).
At 12.05, Comrade Carl texted our CEO Stan an angry message, ccing me.
"HR is way behind the curve on internal communication; Gloria is not proactive. Our staff must be made aware of the value proposition of our product, which is a pearl. I have called an all-hands-on meeting at 1215 to expose our nerds to the truth. Please attend and grace us with your heavenly presence. Bring Gloria along-she needs to wake up and smell the coffee."
At 1215, I made my way to the Josef Stalin meeting room, where all his nerds were assembled. On the table in front of each nerd was a packet of Ciprolex and a bottle of wine, as well as a note from Carl saying "life is short, pop a pill".
Comrade Carl Marks spoke for 3 hours. Carl first attacked HR for not being relevant. Then, Comrade Carl said that the software online magazine was "subversive garbage, financed by big banks, the German government, the CIA and the Mossad. Maybe even HR threw in a few bucks." Finally Carl attacked the clients, whom he described as "panicky and finicky, whining too much about user experience."
"Before we end this meeting, please let's close our eyes and hope that HR will get it right next time, and weed out subversive information by being proactive, kibinimat".
When the comrade finished, all his (big data/internet-of-things) nerds clapped their hands for 40 minutes, although only 10% understood English. All the nerds were noted texting their families in tribal homelands during his talk.
Readers, Comrade Carl started taking Cipralex-Lexopro a week ago, 10 mg a day. His doctor, who is on my payroll as mental health consultant, told me discretely that he may need 20 mg, but even then, "don't expect all that much. Comrade Carl Marks is very unique."
|Is HR too reactive?|