Friday, 26 June 2015

Software products are like unripe bananas

Ripe and mature

Comrade Carl Marks astounded our senior leadership team today in our weekly meeting. On the agenda were the following issues

  1) Cost savings
  2) Restructuring of debt
  3) People Day picnic
  4) Why our sales team is so useless
  5) Digital detox

The comrade asked for "a few seconds" before we get down to the mundane agenda issues. Then Carl took out a megaphone, stood up and explained to all of the assembled that "good internet of things software is like an unripe matures and become ripe after it is purchased. Kibinimat, why do we all talk about pleasing our unappreciative clients. We need to shape their expectations, using big data".

Now we were all in a small room and there was no need for a megaphone. So CEO Stan told me: "Gloria take that god damn megaphone away from Comrade Carl". I was texting my sister and did not hear Carl, who went on bellowing. 

I incurred Stan's wrath, which means anger. (Lots of people read my blog who don't speak English all that well).

Then Carl said, "HR's role is to recruit sales talent which can sell unripe bananas. Who cares about diversity? Who cares about payroll? Who gives a rat's ass about process or zenga zenga? If Gloria and her lackeys cannot recruit the appropriate sales force, I will set up a union. Kibinimat, HR and Sales is the root cause of our problems!"

Then Carl sat down, threw me a kiss, and offered all team members an unripe banana. This, he said, is in line with our core value of "inclusion".

Wrath, not Roth 

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