Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Refocus and realign using big data

Refocusing Ms Axe

"Gloria, the time has come for our organization to get better bang for buck from HR; re-brand using big data". This is the text message that our CEO Stanley sent me this afternoon.

Clearly, the fact that Cynthia Axe (who Heads our Early Bird Retirement Plan) was chosen as least popular employee of the year for the 20th time was the driving force behind Stan's unfortunate text.

Stan, who keeps abreast of Ms Axe, believes that "something is rotten in the Kingdom HR,  and poor Cynthia takes the heat for HR's malfunctioning". 

Whenever I failed a course in school my Dad Pierre Elliot would say to me, "Gloria, something is rotten in the kingdom of Denmark"...which was a Shakespearean wake up call.

Factoring in Stan's text,  I have decided to realign Cynthia Axe with success, using 60 kilograms of big data.

Starting tomorrow, Cynthia will be be a "people service provider" in the "domain of organizational architecture". Ms Axe will be measured by

       1-the user axe-perience
       2-profitability, in line with our core value of HR Business Partnership

Ms Axe will also continue to be program manager for our early bird retirement program, however the logo of this program will be changed to reflect our dedication to big data driven HR , whatever that means.

Stan oked these changes and asked me to use "invented tradition" coaching techniques to deepen the respect for Ms Axe.

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