Friday, 29 May 2015

Using graphology for recruitment purposes

121% validity in some cases

Our CEO's wife asked me how valid is graphology in recruitment? I smell a trap from a mile away so I asked dear Wifey "why perchance would you like my opinion?" This is line with my core value of feigned modesty.

Wifey told me that she had sent Stan's handwriting for analysis (without his knowing) and the analyst said that "the candidate should avoid managerial roles like the plague".

I told Wifey that unlike HR, graphology is  connerie (crap), but to make sure, I will send my handwriting and that of Chief Nerd Comrade Carl Marks for analysis. Wifey suggested, and I agreed, that we use the same analyst.

As far as Comrade Carl goes, the analyst concluded that "the candidate lives in a delusional world, yet is hugely charismatic. I believe the candidate could be a good commander in the Russian army, or lead a software group focused on Internet fo Things.  His English is perfect but he prefers swearing in Russian."

As far as my handwriting is concerned, the analyst claimed that "the candidate has feline political instincts suited to jungle warfare, HR or mid east politics, and has a character which is stronger than a brick shit house. The candidate is a cunning business partner, because she tends to trample on people. The candidate speaks good French, and is trying to acquire an English accent, to be posh".

After I read the graphologist reports, I branded them "classified big data" and then sent an email to Wifey.

Dear Wifey,
I am looking into the handwriting issue. Yet my mother's poor memory is a drain on me, so I will get back to you soon. I thank you for your compassion. BTW, astrology is far less expensive than graphology, and just as accurate.
A bientot,

Wifey's memory is like my Moms. Grace a dieu. That's French.

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