Monday, 26 January 2015

Stress, wellness and the sex life of nerds

Mal au dos

One week ago, just before I fell asleep reading an article on the Internet of Things, I plugged my Blackberry Classic into a charger and pinched a nerve in my back. I had to crawl around my flat for a week, and even the speed of my texting decreased since everything caused me pain. I even lost my ambition for about 15 minutes.

My late Dad Pierre Elliot used to say "Gloria, I'd rather have a tooth extracted without anaesthetic than have a back ache." Dad used to get horrible back aches when my Mother Constance spent too much money shopping at La Baie, Simpsons and Eatons.

Senior executives at our firm have "Platinum Health Care", and naturally, as senior HR business partner, I have a very senior standing. As a result, I have access to very good care, as behooves my rank and station.

A Russian born chiropractor (who is married for the third time around)  visited me at my home and administered treatment 8 days consecutively. Today after the final treatment, he told me, "you can get back on your feet, young lady, but avoid stress. Share your burden with you colleagues and staff."

For heaven sake, how am I to avoid stress? During my absence, my junior staff, a certain Ms Cynthia Axe and Hugh White (Diversity), have had too much exposure, far overstretching their limited capabilities. 
Hugh even gave a lecture on his favourite topic (to the Internet of things team) "The Sex Drive of Overworked Nerd". White did not send me his presentation for approval.
And CEO Stan sent me a message by Whatsapp, "Gloria, don't worry, we are getting on well without you. Miss Axe has a fine mind. She just needs more talent management".

But the worst news I got this week was from Comrade Carl Marks. He sent me a text: 
  • About your back, zhiz prozhit — ne pole pereyti. But, don't worry, everything is under control. Btw, I hired an OD consultant who will meet you if  when you return. Comrade Carl.

My chiropractor told me that Carl's message meant "life is not crossing a meadow". 

Even as I write this post, my back muscles are tightening up.

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