Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Egg-freezing as the mother of all perks

Ever since the egg-freezing perk that several of my peers decided to introduce, as it were, I have been busier than a one armed paper hanger. This perk appears to provide longer active duty for productive female employees, to the mutual benefit of the management and the employee. 

My Dad, Pierre Elliot would have said, "Glo, this appears to be the mother of all perks".

CEO Stan asked me if we have any talented female engineers. "If so, freeze their eggs, Gloria, after you speak to a lawyer and my wife."  According to the big data in my hands at the moment, we could get 4 more productive years per egg frozen. If you add to this inflation and subtract income tax, another number pops up.

My mother called me today. Mom has issues on memory loss. She asked me: "Gloria are you involved in that manpower egg freezing scandal, girl? If you are, forget your inheritance".Then she asked me if I had found a husband. Then she asked me if I had heard about egg freezing. The call took one hour.

Hugh White from Diversity asked me if we can freeze the eggs of men as well, "were they to have eggs". As it were. Hugh agitates me even more after a call with my mother.

Cynthia Axe's father, the Reverend Oliver Axe, called me and preached to me about God's will for an hour, mentioning in passing that he sees me as Cynthia's big sister. I am always polite to the clergy, although my Dad said "there are all a bunch of crooks and deviants", as it were. The Reverend Axe told me that if Cynthia wanted her eggs frozen, he would like to be notified.

Big data chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks came into my office with a glass of vodka and asked me what my own plans are. "Gloria, do it, kibinimat-your kid will also have nice legs if it's a girl".

My own thoughts on this issue is  that every high performing female engineer who speaks good English (with an English accent) will have 3 eggs frozen for the price of two. I have not yet shared this with anyone.

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