Friday, 18 July 2014

Comrade Carl Marks digs a clandestine tunnel into CEO's office

Comrade Carl Marks digs tunnel to access CEO Stan's office

Our newest product is named Carla 3.0"Carla" is not selling well, and 40% of our install base wants to "uninstall". If this were to happen, the Board would fire CEO Stan via a well guided missile. 

Carla also happens to be the name of CEO Stan's daughter, who cohabits with R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks. (My Dad, Pierre Elliot, used to say "shacks up with" instead of cohabits).

CEO Stan, ever the strategist, has taken "preemptive" action and promised our clients that a better version named "Carla 3.2" will be released on October 1st, 2014.

Not only did CEO Stan not consult with R&D Chief Carl Marks on this aggressive commitment, Stan issued the product commitment email in Carl's name, signed in English and Russian. (Stan used Google Translate to sign in Russian).

In even further escalation, Stan banned Comrade Carl from any engagement/dialogue, " I cut Comrade Carl out of the communication loop, until he straightens himself up", said Stan.

Brewing with anger, Comrade Carl made a dysfunctional choice. Instead of working on the new  product release ("yes we can")  with his multi-lingual yet non English speaking staff, Comrade Carl started to dig a terrorist tunnel from his office to CEO Stan's office, in order to "engage" with Stan, as it were. 

This is where I come in. Naturally, as HR business partner, I sit right next to Stan. And to get to his office, Carl's tunnel passed under my room.

At 10 pm  last night, I was having a group one on one with Hugh White (Diversity) and Cynthia Axe on a new mission statement for HR to promote engagement, and heterosexual Hugh (who is always very alert) heard some noise and commented as such. 

Suddenly, the head of Comrade Carl Marks popped up in my room under Cynthia Axes' rear end.  Cynthia Axe screamed.

Comrade Carl emerged, covered in dirt with two hand grenades in his hand;  Carl yelled out, "Sorry SOO-kah, wrong room. Pizdyets!"

What does SOO kah mean? Really? Bitch?

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