No one in our senior management team speaks poor English.

Failed. Un échec

Diversity Chief Hugh White sent me a text message that we failed the government diversity audit! He backed up his text message with a Whatsapp and an email.

We have been given a week for corrective action.

Have I mentioned before that Hugh White is the white boy who heads my Diversity Department? Hugh is a heterosexual.

The diversity audit team was impressed that we have tribal food in our cafeteria. 

Furthermore, our Engineering Departments ethnic composition made an excellent impression, albeit the fisticuffs between Ukrainian and Russian engineers, and a bloody pizza throwing fight between various Middle Eastern factions, which resulted in a state of "unrest" and the riot police being called in, which is non wow.

The ONLY reason we failed the audit is that no one in our senior management  team speaks poor English. 

CEO Stan is American, as is Comrade Carl Marks, who merely  thinks he is Russian. The Head of Sales, who has been hiding in the toilet for 4 months, is British.

As you all may know, I am from Canada and my English is perfect. Herr Krebbs, our CFO, was in Berlin renting out his home to 340 refugees from the Mid East.

Hugh White was instructed to hire a manager with poor English for our senior leadership team immediately. Highest priority will be given to a thick Russian accent, a Scot, a Taiwanese, a Pole or a Thai.

Comrade Carl Marks: He is American