Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Slogan Index for 2018

                                                                              You get what you measure

My father Pierre Elliot Ramsbottom used to count the number of times that my mother Constance would nag him at meal time. After 2 nags, Dad would gently say, "shut the f--k up, Constance. One more strike and you are out, ciboire".

Measuring things was Dad's way of keeping control of his life.
Inspired by my Dad , I decided to quantify the use of mission-critical leadership and HR slogans in our beloved company.

Here is July 2018 top slogan index, including the number of times each slogan was used, along with a few comments in the spirit of HR business partnership, whatever that means.

Internet of Things: 343, 841,986,888 times. (Ever since CEO Stan complimented Comrade Carl's idea of burying our software bugs in the platform of internet of things, this slogan is more popular than sex is in Phuket.)

Engagement: 238,909 times. (CEO Stan told Comrade Carl Marks from R&D that "your God damn  big data engineers need to engage, and speak better English")

Cloud-based: 89776544368 times. (Hugh White, the white heterosexual from Diversity, claims that clouds, being white, are not diversity compliant.)

Blockchain: 34,000,005,000,879,930 times. (HR used this term most of all, in the context of figuring out what it means).

Industrial Action: No one used this term. (Several Russian engineers, however, did throw a Molotov cocktail under CEO Stan's car; in the group of protesters was a certain Comrade Carl Marks, EVP of R&D.)

HR Business Partner: This is NOT a slogan. CEO Stan used the term once, and I used it 6000 times. 

Btw, I also quantify the value of our human capital. Our nerds' capabilities are linked to the value of the democracy in the middle east.

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