Today in our Q4 senior management meeting planning session, I presented the "deliverables" a certain Samuel Snake, our OD and Talent Manager (temporary) manager.
Why is Samuel Snake temporary? Well, he is the son in law of our chairman, and is under my rigorous scrutiny, after I noticed that he and a certain R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks smoke pot together in the parking lot. I have almost never smoked hardly anything.
What makes me all the more suspicious is that Samuel Snake takes Russian lessons "so I can build a personal relationship with Comrade Carl", noted Snake. As readers of this blog know, Comrade Carl is our American chief nerd, who loves the Russian language.
I should stop rambling, as my Dad used to tell me. "Stay focused Gloria, or you'll get nowhere".
Here is the slide I presented about Samuel Snakes's L&D deliverables.
•Ensure all our staff uses the term “talent management” 5 times a day
•5 wow wow employee engagement slogans generated daily by HR experts
•One integrated 90 second probono webinar for both Onboarding and Involuntary Early Retirement
•“Core Values” software, which updates itself weekly.
•Accent training for non Americans
•Career planning hype (grounded in big data)
•Weekly lecture on “Value of HR Partnership" under Gloria’s helmsman ship with all departments, until they "get it".