Today in our senior management meeting planning session, I presented the "deliverables" of a certain Samuel Snake, our OD and Talent Manager (temporary) manager.
Why is Samuel Snake temporary? Well, he is the son in law of our chairman, and is under my rigorous scrutiny, after I noticed that he and a certain R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks smoke pot together in the parking lot.
What makes me all the more suspicious is that Samuel Snake takes Russian lessons "so I can build a personal relationship with Comrade Carl", noted Snake. As readers of this blog know, Comrade Carl is our American chief nerd, who loves the Russian language.
I should stop rambling, as my Dad used to tell me. "Stay focused Gloria, or you'll get nowhere".
Here is the slide I presented about Samuel Snakes's L&D deliverables.
•Ensure all our staff uses our new German blockchain
•5 wow wow employee engagement slogans generated daily by HR ladies
•One integrated 90 second pro-bono webinar for both On-boarding and Involuntary Early Retirement
•“Core Values” software, which updates itself weekly.
•Accent training to understand Glasgow English
•Career planning hype (grounded in big data) increased by 3 %
•Weekly lecture on “Value of HR Partnership" under Gloria’s helmswomanship with all departments