Thursday, 10 April 2014

2019 Learning Goals

Today in our senior management meeting planning session, I presented the "deliverables" of a certain Samuel Snake, our OD and Talent Manager (temporary) manager.

Why is Samuel Snake temporary? Well, he is the son in law of our chairman, and is under my rigorous  scrutiny, after I noticed that he and a certain R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks smoke pot together in the parking lotI have almost never smoked hardly anything. 

What makes me all the more suspicious is that Samuel Snake takes Russian lessons "so I can build a personal relationship with Comrade Carl", noted Snake. As readers of this blog know, Comrade Carl is our American chief nerd, who loves the Russian language.

I should stop rambling, as my Dad used to tell me. "Stay focused Gloria, or you'll get nowhere".

Here is the slide I presented about Samuel Snakes's L&D deliverables.

L&D  Deliverables
Samuel Snake

•Ensure all our staff uses the term “blockchain driven” 5 times a day
5 wow wow  employee engagement slogans generated daily by HR ladies
One integrated 90 second probono webinar for both Onboarding and  Involuntary Early Retirement
“Core Values” software, which updates itself weekly.
Accent training to understand Glasgow English
Career planning hype (grounded in big data) increased by 3 %
Weekly lecture on “Value of HR Partnership" under Gloria’s helmswoman- ship with all departments

Follow me @GRamsbottom

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