Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Dealing with employee blackmail

I need some HR creativity


Comrade Carl Marks has had a stormy relationship with HR.
Carl seems to feel that HR's mission critical function can be replaced with a voice enabled help desk service.

Strangely, Comrade Carl sees HR as the "guardian of the status quo!" Today our relationship underwent a change.

To be frank and earnest, Comrade Carl strikes me as a weirdo. He was born and bred in the USA; indeed he got his PhD at some unknown Russian polytechnic university, yet he thinks, behaves and drinks like a Russian; he also swears like a Russian! My Dad Pierre Elliot used to praise the Red Army, but told me that `Russians tend to be cynical`. But Carl is an American, who may think he is Russian! And I did not study psychiatry.

Comrade Carl meandered into my office (after having smoked a joint in the parking lot) with a huge smile on his face. "Hi Glo, you look better than ever today! Pizdets, we have an issue-let's talk, sweety".

Comrade Carl told me that 2 weeks before the new product release, 5 engineers, Igor, Igor, Svetlana, Svetlana and Svetlana all have asked for a raise, immediately. Since "sufficient documentation" of the product is not available, WE need to think twice before we say no. After all, WE do not want this failure on OUR shoulders, do we, Gloria?"

Then Comrade Carl said a few words to me in French. Comrade Carl speaks very good French, and he even swore using a few choice Quebec expressions, which I shan't repeat because readers in the US and New Zealand won't know what this is all about.

"So Gloria, in the spirit of transparency and cooperation, I wanted to tell you that CEO Stan has oked a 30 K ``stay bonus`` for all five employees and he has asked me to make sure that WE stay within the budget for total cost of headcount. Please handle this`professionally, and update Stan before you go home. By the way, Glo, you are a great business partner.`














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