Crisis intervention in our R&D department as shit hits the fan

Union on the way?

Two weeks before product release, there is a non wow situation in IoT - Big Data. 50 engineers (30 of them named Svetlana) have all resigned tentatively, unless they get raises. 

In another development, product managers also refuse to visit clients in nearby Japan unless they fly business class. This is big data.

And R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks' only comment to this is: blacha mucha, which is an evil word in Russian. 

In a management meeting Comrade Carl said this morning, "now that we need our employees, we are going to be fucked big time, thanks to Gloria's myopia as HR manager". Then Carl added, "I hope we get unionized!" 

Immediately, I set up a response team consisting of Cynthia Axe, Head of our Involuntary Early Bird Retirement Team, and that white heterosexual boy Hugh White, who runs Diversity.

Hugh will seize the workers passports for clerical review whenever possible; Ms Axe will provide a notarized promise that no one will be fired by text.

I will need to become involved-so I plan to "transform" my relationship with Comrade Carl into a business partnership, based on some appreciative inquiry, agility and a portion of big data, with some vodka.

I am also looking for a more challenging company. This role is starting to bore me. 
I  have heard that there are opportunities in the Faroe Islands.